felix lee | freckles

8

"Why do you keep ignoring me y/n at least tell me what I did wrong." Felix pleaded as he walked beside you on your way home. You just ignored him, but this was getting harder and harder as his hand repeatedly brushed past your finger tips. "Can you just say at least one word to me, that's all I ask. I miss your voice." Your heart beat faster but you still continued to walk. You didn't just miss a voice you missed a whole person, who missed you just as much. Others would have probably questioned your decision to ignore Felix, so did you at one point. People would probably think 'just spend time with him and if he leaves then he leaves, make the most of it". But you didn't want to make the most of it, you wanted to keep spend time with him for a long time without knowing there were chances of him never coming back — not for just a while. Of course he could come back, but that would be for holidays or breaks and that was something you knew you couldn't handle, even if you tried. Though everything seemed like you were in a relationship with him, and you weren't — were you two even friends? It was like you developed a fake love scenario in your head that never even happened.

Felix had given up on trying for the day, not completely but to the point where it had come to make him exhausted.

Time had passed since the walk home and it was later that night when you decided you wanted to look at the stars once again. It was mid August but it was still one of the coldest nights you had ever experienced so you ran back inside to grab a scarf and a beanie. As you were searching a rather nostalgic feeling engulfed you when the navy blue scarf Felix had put around your neck that night appeared. It was the only scarf you could find at that moment, like your two others had disappeared. It had his scent engraved in it, it made you sigh. You wrapped it around your neck and headed outside to stargaze. Something didn't feel right to you, you usually felt happiness looking at the stars but for some reason you felt something else, like loneliness? What? No... "Stargazing again huh." A deep voice calmly said beside you. You just nodded, not in the mood to be bitter. "That's my scarf aye." You looked down at the scarf reaching to remove it and return what was his. "No," he stopped you "keep it. Navy blue looks good on you."

The sound of the crunching pebbles filled your ears as the boy walked away. A door closing was the last sound you heard, the whole night you watched the stars until it had become too late to stay out any longer.

When dawn approached you realised you hadn't slept a wink the night before, guess you pulled another all nighter without realising? School was boring than ever, Felix was not to be seen but you soon realised he had been avoiding you too. He even caught another bus that went to the exact same location as yours.

Felix had realised by know that you didn't want to see him anymore, so he did what he thought was best for you. He seemed to find happiness in what you did, and if you were happy with no longer associating with him then that was fine by him. That day he purposely avoided you, if he ever saw you he'd turn another corner or hide behind something. Whenever he did see you you seemed at ease but at the same time looked as if you were searching for something. He too questioned this but didn't focus on the topic too much as he had his mind on you too often. He longed to be able to walk over to your house and just spend a day with you, but he hadn't been able to make plans of another rest day since you cut him off.

This wasn't the only day that he avoided you, and it wasn't the only day you avoided him. It was a never ending repetition of that day, your actions and his actions the same. You both made it a routine to avoid one another and before you knew it weeks had gone by. You occasionally saw each other, like times when it was so unexpected that there was no way to avoid the situation. Though now it had come to the point where you had both acted as if you didn't know each other anymore. This made you sad, because you obviously missed him. Felix missed you too, but you made it so clear that you didn't want to talk to him anymore.

It was opposite for him, he wanted you to get to know him. He wanted to make a friend out of you. He wanted to dance around to Ariana Grande with you, eat ramen and watch K-dramas. He wanted to be there for you when you failed your math test when he saw you crying in the school library. He to be the one to make you laugh when he saw you with a guy who obviously made you uncomfortable. He wanted to give you his jacket when he saw you freezing that one winter day because you had forgotten your jacket at home. He wanted to be there for you but you were blinded by your selfishness to avoid getting hurt.

It was a sunny October day, spring had approached. You missed winter, it was your favourite season. You found beauty in things that seemed cold and dying. How eccentric of you.

You rushed out of your house, after sleeping the whole weekend you were still so disoriented. Not really leaving your house since you got home that Friday, apart from looking at the stars. You quickly tried to zip up your school bag, running quickly until you were greeted by a 'For Lease' sign.