felix lee | freckles

13

"I haven't really liked someone, not recently at least."

Why did those words continuously play in your mind? Why did you wish that instead of those words, that he mentioned your name? Or at least described you? It's not like you liked him? Right?

But you didn't let this minor set back distract you, or stop you from continuing your little letter reading. One thing did though, your decrease in sleep and increase in tests and assignments due. So you slept... slept away. Waiting for the new day to approach as you laid there dreaming of what could have been.

Time went on and you slowly and gradually started opening and reading the letters Felix had left you, surprisingly enough he titled them all well.

When Stray Kids' Pre-debut album came out you opened the letter.

"When Our First Album Comes Out"

"Hey y/n,

Go download it, stream it. Okay I don't know how to promote, but do it for me?

Remember when I asked you to listen to me that day on the train and you did it right away? Maybe you were just being nice.

To me, I felt like I was actually noticed by an individual for who I was.

Don't ask why... There's a lot of stuff I think and don't know the reason to.

I talked for the whole train ride, that's a really long time.

Wait, can you believe you knew me pre-debut? How lucky of you.

The reason behind the break? Especially one before even debuting?

I was stressed. It was so obvious even my mum started to notice. I'm not that great at Korean, it's fun to learn but even the smallest aspect would stress me out. I'd try to write my own lyrics and all that would come out would be English. I would practise so hard cause I believed I was no where near everyone else's level and when I got temporarily removed... Well it took a toll on me. When added back I practised even harder.

Can you imagine?

Yeah, so one day my mum called me while I was practicing. I ignored it purposely and put it down. When I did, my hand swiped it accidentally answering it.

I did something that day to my ankle, I was in so much pain that I just cried.

My mum heard it all, she told me I was pushing myself too hard and that that was not what she wanted. She said she wanted me to be happy, but not in a situation where I had to push past my limits to a point where I would break down. So instead of pulling me from the company she suggested I take a break. She said my uncle had recently built a house in Perth that was cosy and in a good neighbourhood. A place that would be perfect for me to just remember what my old life was like. My mum said that she didn't want us to stay in Sydney for the break because I would just find reason to interact with all my old friends and get worn out all over again. The truth was, since I became an idol I started to see no real connection with them anymore. It all felt fake.

The reason I told you this is because I thought you would just need a reason why, because I know you were probably wondering why I took a break and the other members didn't.

You probably wondered why Perth and why not Sydney too.

Maybe I should've made a second letter for this whole story but anyway... back to the topic.

AN ALBUM! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

What I really wanted to say was on that train that day I felt like an album, I was listened to and you seemed like you actually enjoyed me being there.

Was I being played like an album too? That's for you to decide since you literally randomly stopped talking to me.

jk jk.

I mean in the end, we all just need someone to listen to us. To make us feel like we're all the things that person needed. You made me feel that way for a whole hour on that moving train, for that whole hour I felt more listened too than I did in my life. Thank you for that.

Catch ya."

When one day school was especially shitty, you opened his letter titled "If School Is Extra Shitty". It was one of those days where you considered dropping out every two minutes. You definitely needed some extra motivation.

"Hey y/n,

So... one of those days huh?

Remember that day we walked home together after taking the train? I asked you what was wrong and you were so reluctant to tell me, well it was expected of course. You only knew me for like a day or something.

You told me you hated school, living so far away and told me you'd prefer sleeping, eating and watching tv.

So I'll say it again, the same thing I said to you that day.

You can handle it.

I believe in you! 

I remember suggesting to you that I go to school. You looked at me like I was crazy.

I also found out you were fifteen. I actual choked. No lie. I don't actually know if I expected you to be younger or older honestly, but I do remember this.

I walked next to you reassuring myself that it was only a two year age gap and that my parent had a three year gap.

I told myself numerous times that it could work.

This was the moment I called you that pet-name you secretly love.

Babe.

It was true though, what I said that day...

I really could hear your heart from where I was standing, don't get so flustered next time.

Catch ya."

You scoffed to yourself after reading that letter, how could this boy have such an effect on you even when he was no where near you. But the things in his letters gave you more reason to read what he had wrote. Every single time you found you holding yourself back from reading the letters you didn't have the right to read at the time. There were some things in those letters that made you feel like you had gotten to know Felix more than you did while you were actually with him, like you had a look into his brain or something.

Everything he said made your heart beat fast and you didn't know why you liked it so much.

Told you guys I'd make up for the short chapter, hope you enjoyed it!

I always stay up at try to write as much as I can so excuse the bad grammar and punctuation!

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Love you guys

-sky