Habits of My Heart

Chapter 18

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Xena

My life in the past two months without August has been a rollercoaster of emotions and guilt.

Every aspect of my life seems to be going great except for my relationship. My grades are up, I'm well on my way to graduating and things between Corey and I have been good so far.

Despite our efforts to keep our friendship platonic, being around him daily has made it a challenge. The sexual tension between us is almost suffocating sometimes.

Being around Corey usually had me on cloud 9. He always keep me laughing and spoiling me every chance he got despite my protest against it.

I haven't made any efforts in reaching out to August because I feel like he should be the one to do it first but the closer Corey and I got I felt like somehow I was cheating.

I was giving another man my time and attention which didn't feel right but the moment I'm around Corey those feelings would vanish for the moment. Only when I'm around him though, the moment he's not around anymore, everything comes rushing back.

Corey has become my distraction from my problems with August and I feel like that's the only purpose he serve which isn't fair to him but somehow I selfishly can't let him go.

My girls could sense that everything is not okay as I present it to be. They know, no matter how happy I get around Corey I won't ever truly be happy until I fully move on from August or fix things with him.

While Martina wanted me and August to work things out, Janelle is more team Corey. She like that Corey was the sweet caring type, he was a gentleman and treat all of us well.

Whenever I'm hanging with the girls and he bought me food, he would get them something as well. Sometimes he would randomly take us out and pay for everyone, he was sweet like that.

Martina thought he was a cool guy but felt like his intentions were forced. She feel like he was trying to buy their approval so they would accept him for me.

I could understand why she felt that way though. I had let Corey know from the beginning that my best-friends meant the world to me and their opinions are important. So maybe he was going the extra mile for them to like him but I also get the feeling that is just the type of person he is.

He's a genuinely good guy and the more I see that, the more horrible I feel keeping him around to fill the void of August. That's why the girls and I planned a girls trip to Puerto Rico next week for spring break.

I need this time away to clear my mind of all this man drama and spend some quality time with my bítches. Of course Corey offered to pay for our trip but I had to decline.

It was too much and I couldn't do that to him but he wouldn't give up so to compromise, I let him take me shopping for the trip.

He and I were currently in Kings Plaza Mall walking around shopping. I wasn't feeling good and I didn't feel like buying a lot of things but Corey insist on me getting whatever I wanted on him.

I already went in Forever21, H&M and Victoria Secret. I was more than ready to go and save the rest of shopping for another day but Corey made a quick stop in footlocker.