-You don't know me.

It wasn't your fault

*Justin's P.O.V*

Being broken is not a real thing for me. I kept asking myself why people always say life has its ups and downs, because mine has only downs. Raegan tried to apologize many times to me since yesterday, and I really don't want to hear anything anymore. I don't know if he raped me purposely then lied that he was drugged, because he did smell like alcohol and weed....but that doesn't make me forget what he did. I need time....a lot of time. I don't think I'd ever be the same anymore. I'm scared to keep in my secrets anymore...I'll fill up and explode one time...so I got a notebook....well, kind of a diary where I can put my thoughts. It's 6:15, I couldn't sleep all night. Dad came home and saw me crying...but I told him a lie. I told him some guys beat me up, I can't tell him I was raped. I should probably get up and get dressed for school....but in this moment I don't want anything. I don't want to wake up in the morning and think I'm a disgrace anymore. I don't want to always think that maybe suicide is the option. I feel filthy, dirty and useless. I don't want to give up, but I don't thing I have the strenght to fight this alone anymore. Why Raegan? Why did you saved me 3 nights ago from Brad if you did that yesterday? Why did you do it? My alarm started ringing and I checked the time..7:00. I have to get up. I went shower...avoiding looking at myself in the mirror as much as possible. I feel like not even my body it's mine anymore. After the shower I put on a really oversized Metallica T-shirt, black ripped skinny jeans and a zipped sweater, only that I didn't zipped up the zipper. All of those clothes black, obviously. I got my car keys, dad asked if I wanted breakfast and I said no...I don't want anything else more than being happy for once in my life....do I ask this much? Anyway, I got to school. I am really afraid of the pictures...like really really afraid, I walked through the crowded halls and everyone kept staring at me. I heard some girls say "Poor him, look how bad he looks, he really must be affected" and other one said "I'm sure Raegan and his guys did that to him, such bastards...like leave the poor kid alone"...so shit. I opened my locker and my fears came true. Notes in my locker...and the picture. As soon as I saw it, tears escaped my eyes. I saw the notes.

"Heya boo, liked the good fuck?"

"Dude Raegan really fucked you man"

"Little tranny getting his brains fucked out"

No...the whole school knows. I'm ruined. Everyone was staring at me, some of the kids looked like they really felt sorry for me. Raegan and his friends came up to me, saw me crying. Raegan looked full of regret. Because of him...now I have to take in a the consequences. He tried to say something but I got the picture, ripped it and threw it at him.

"YOU ARE MONSTERS" I yelled at them and ran away in the bathroom. I  grabbed my hair in annoyance. I went in a stull and cried my eyes out. O heard someone come in the bathroom, so I got out and went to the sink to wash my face. My eyes met with Raegan's...

"Look Justin please l-" but I cut him off

"LET YOU WHAT RAEGAN? LET YOU WHAT? YOU KNOW, I REALLY FUCKING LIKED YOU AND FOR A SECOND, ONLY A SECOND I THOUGHT YOU CAN CHANGE AND NOT BE THE COMPLETE DICKHEAD YOU ARE IN THIS FUCKING HELL HOLE, BUT I WAS SO SO SO WRONG. YOU DID THIS TO ME. YOU RUINED ME. YOU FUCKING DESTROYED ME RAEGAN. ONLY BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T KEEP THAT HELL OF A DICK IN YOUR PANTS THAT'S NOT MY FAULT" I yelled at him and stormed out past the guys.

*Time skip till the end of the hours*

I went out of the building. Max and Harry approached me.

"Dude you gotta come" Harry said in a hurry. I looked at him with a confused face on. I followed them to the back of the school. Yells and a big crowd. I pushed through the people and there was Raegan yelling at Zach...one of his friends. You know what, yelling at all of his friends.

"RAEGAN CHILL OUT" Zach yelled

"NO, I'M NOT FUCKING CHILLING ZACH, I'M NOT. YOU FUCKING BASTARDS PRESSURED ME TO DRINK AND SMOKE WEED SO I DONT KNOW WHAT I'M DOING ANYMORE, YOU FUCKING THINK THAT I CAN LIVE WITH THE THOUGHT THAT I RAPED THE BOY I LOVE THE MOST. HALF OF THIS SCHOOL SAW PICTURES OF HIM NAKED ONLY BECAUSE OF US. DONT YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT WE DESTROYED HIM. ZACH, I FUCKING LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. IF YOU CANT LIVE WITH ME FUCKING GIRLS AND BEING STRAIGHT THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM. YOU ALL PIECES OF SHIT MADE ME DO THAT. AFTER I FINISHED WITH HIM THAT DAY I LOOKED IN HIS EYES....IN HIS TEARY, SCARED AND TRAUMATIZED EYES AND I SAW WHO I WAS. I SAW WHAT I DID TO HIM. ONLY THEN SOME OF MY SENSE CAME BACK AND I REALIZED WHAT I JUST DID. I REALIZED I TURNED HIS LIFE UPSIDE DOWN. I'M A FUCKING MONSTER. I DESTROYED THE LOVE OF MY LIFE ONLY BECAUSE OF YOU. I HATE YOU SO MUCH GUYS, SO FUCKING MUCH" Raegan all yelled out. I-...I have no words. Zach looked full of guilt. Just as Raegan was about to punch him I stepped up.

"Raegan dont!" I said.

He turned back to me and he was full on crying....he really didn't know what he was doing. I can see it in his eyes that he's not lying. He cried harder as he saw me...like really really hard. I hate to see him like this. I still love him...so much. My love never fade for him. Its not his fault. It breaks me to see him like this.

"I'm sorry for what I did to you Justin...I'm so so sorry baby boy. I can't live like this...knowing what I did" he said now crying ten times harder.

I went to him...and hugged him. I hugged him and held onto him for dear life. I hugged him like his friends or the big crowd wasn't here. I let him cry on my shoulder. I let him. I...I forgive him.

"Raegan calm down...I-I"

"I forgive you Raegan. You didn't knew what you were doing...it's not your fault. You're okay. We're okay, just stop crying please".

I lift his chin up....and I kissed him. I kissed him. He started to calm down...and melt into the kiss.