BOOK 2: The Invisible (AVSLUTAD)

Chapter twentythree - Amber

I open my eyes, i close them, i open them, and close them again. I put my computer too the side of me before i stand up to stretch my body out, iiv'e been siitting here for hours and hours, at least it's what it feels likke, in reality it's like 2 hours. But it feels like it's been way more.

Being locked inside is alsoo bad for me, just because i have no idea when she will strike, so i need to be as far away as i can if shit is going down. So tonight i''m packing my things. I'm leaving town for a while. I think that's my best optioon right now, to just move out for some weeks. I haven't told him this yet, but i know he won't stop me from going, even if he dosen't like the idea at all. So i bring out my bag, putting down all of my clothes, make up, shoes and you know, almost everything.

When i'm in the middle of it all it knocks on the door, i did not expect to see him today, at all, but i guess there was something he needed to say. And i can tell by his face that he is not happy about what i'm doing right now.

"Your'e leaving?"  his face says it all, so cold, so confeused by it all. I hope he will uunderstand my reasons for even thinking like this.

"Uhm, yeah...not for long tho.."

"How long?"

For about a month or two...i don't know really..." i say, putting the last few things into the bag before closing it shut.

"Were you about too tell me this or...?"

"Actually, i was. I thought about telling you this yesterday but i didn't..."

"Why not?"

"You seemed way to okay for hearing this, i know it would break you..."

"So you waited, you let me wait to get even more broken by this news, is that it?"

"No...i...."
"Because it's just what happend." and the tone of his voice is so broken, i can really hear how his voice is cracking up at some points, and i feel him, i truly do, he dosen't deserve my liies and heartbreak, it's just another reason for me to leave him and the town for a while. I need this break, and i can tell by his face he needs one too, it looks like he's about to break down when he's just standing there, pale, frozen and heartbroken. I feel so bad, but i have to, there's no other way for us to move on. And i need to get the control over Rose, again. So i'll be in my own place, editaiting, getting better at hitting her back when she tries to break me.

"Look, i need to leave Darr, i need this okay?"

"I get it, you need it."

"And you need it too."

He gives me a look that tells me i should not have said that.

"I need you to leave?"

"Well, yeah."

"I have tried so many times to explain this to you, but you just don't seem to get it, do you?"

"Get what?"

"I don't want you to leave, ever."

"But this is for me, I'm not trying to avoid you or our issues, i'm doing this because i need to heal."

"Alright then, go if you want to so badly."

"I thought you wanted me to stay?"

"Well, i can always change my thoughts, right?"

"Good for you, i'm leaving tomorrow morning." i say it like i was trying to make him upset, i know i'm not, but it's a way to put him on the spot. I know his weaknesses.

Sure, this wasn't planned, i never told him nor my friends about this, buut since it's only for me, ii should be the only one knowing about it, right?