Finding Him

24l Gone

For the first time since they met, Daniel didn't pay attention to Hadassah or the activities she was engaged in. He instead listened to minor, irrelevant things, such as the sound of the wind blowing outside the windows or the sound of crackling fire burning in the hearth. He tried to listen to the snow as well, forcing memories of what it looked like to appear before his mind's eyes.

Still, somewhere in the back of his mind, was the sound of Hadassah crying and confessing to having to pretend around him. He had forbidden himself from contemplating and trying to understand her words that afternoon in the kitchen, but the more he neglected to think, the harder it was not to. He doubted everything he thought they had, everything including the love they supposedly shared. He realized she hadn't even told him she loved him. It had been foolish of him not to even have noticed that the closest she had come to saying she loved him, was when she said she thought she did.

Why had she married him and even consented to their intimacy? He knew her marriage to him couldn't be explained to mean love for it was made clear from the very beginning that she had agreed to it for the sole purpose of coming into her father's fortune. If he was being honest with himself as well, he had agreed to their marriage for the same reason. Yet, he had managed to fall in love.

Loving Hadassah wasn't even difficult to achieve. She was the only woman capable of commanding his attention and arousing desire in him.

He thought of the times they spent wrapped in each other's arms in the night time, loving each other as was expected of a married couple. If she didn't love him, if she had only been pretending to love him, why had she consented to the consummation of their marriage?

Daniel's head snapped up as he felt something touch his chest that evening. Before he could fully comprehend what was happening, he felt Hadassah place an arm around his torso.

Instinctively, he placed a hand on her shoulder. He felt her lean further into him on the bed, his body reacting to her closeness. It had been many days since they were intimate and he doubted she wanted any of it even now, causing him to wonder about her closeness.

After a short while, her hand settled on his face in the same moment he felt her press her lips to his. His first instinct was to return her kiss, to pull her further to himself and kiss her with every passion he felt. But as his lips parted slightly to welcome hers, he remembered her conversation with Leah, the memory helping to deter him. Not desiring to be rude, he planted a soft kiss on her cheek instead.

“You seem tense.” He forced a smile to his lips and pushed himself to a sitting position, releasing his hold on her shoulder and helping to put distance between their bodies.

“I am,” She admitted.

He nodded to her words and shifted slightly away from her. “You should rest then.” He settled on the far end of the bed, fully expecting her to protest his actions. Perhaps a small protest would help to reassure him that he wasn't a burden, that she loved him. Perhaps it would ease the dull ache he felt in his heart at the thought of being married to a woman who thought she had to pretend around him.

A few seconds passed, then minutes and finally, an hour. Still, Daniel found himself hoping that Hadassah would reach out to him once more that evening, that she would long for his body as much as he longed for hers. When she didn't, he laid awake all night, listening to nothing but the dull sound of his broken heart.

He must have fallen asleep, he thought as his eyelids struggled to pull apart and his body stirred on the bed. Instinctively, he found himself tapping the bed lightly in a bid to find Hadassah's sleeping form. When he didn't, he laid still and listened for movement in the room. The only sound that reached his ears was the sound of fire crackling in the hearth.