Finding Him

38l The Kiss

Daniel failed to take note of the physical changes that had began to take place in Hadassah. He knew she was pregnant and had felt the protrusion of her stomach when they were intimate, but as the months progressed and she all but desired intimacy, he had no physical contacts with her. He couldn't tell the extent of the protrusion of her stomach, or the extent of her weight gain, if there was any. Severally, he heard his mother make reference to the near birth of the child and that was his only clue that truly, the child they were to have would soon make an entrance into the world.

A sense of anticipation loomed in the air of the Talbot estate, anticipation for the addition of a new born into the family. Even his father seemed anxious. Daniel would have liked to believe that his father's anxiety and excitement laid in the idea of a grandchild, but he knew it laid in the idea of having somewhat of a replacement; one who would compensate him over the incompetence of his blind son. With Julius in Italy, Daniel knew the Earl was eager for a replacement, something that would ease the pain of having a blind son.

“I do not fancy a ball.” Hadassah's words reached Daniel as he tried to focus his attention on enjoying the meal before him. As it was, his coffee tasted like mud and the bacon seemed too salty for his liking. Knowing the taste of the food had more to do with his mood, he chose not to complain.

“It is only proper.” Lady Josephine insisted. She had suggested a ball, to celebrate the arrival of their child, even if the child hadn't arrived yet. Hadassah had rejected his mother's proposal severally but Daniel knew his mother wasn't one to give up easily, especially when she had her mind set on hosting a party for England's elites. “I shall have everything planned and you shall simply be present. I shall see to it that you are not bothered with anything.”

Daniel stuffed a piece of bread in his mouth and listened to himself chew. There would be a ball, he decided even if from the background of his chewing, he heard Hadassah protest. There would be a ball simply because his mother desired it, his father didn't reject it and Hadassah deserved it for the new born she would bring into their family. Daniel's opinion however, was never sought.

The days leading to the ball would prove to be difficult days for Daniel. Furniture was moved from and to different parts of the house until soon enough, Daniel was bumping and tripping over furniture. He became irritable as the feeling of incompetence settled over him, forcing him to choose to remain confined in his bed chamber where the furniture had maintained their positions. His book was his only companion in those days, his hands clinging to the edges of the book while darkness ridiculed him. He would hold the book up before him and stare into the darkness. He would rid his mind of thoughts, thoughts he knew would prove depressing, thoughts he knew could destroy him. He would instead try to think of the story the book spoke about. He had no idea what it was about, but not knowing made it even better for him. He could create stories of his own in his head and imagine their endings; most times they ended well but as he latched onto the edges of the book that afternoon, the story ended badly. It seemed to be an inevitable ending, he decided, placing the book on the sofa and rising to his feet. It was inevitable, no matter how he tried to spin it in his head.

Word of the ball must have spread quickly, Daniel thought, halting in his tracks on the stairs on the evening of the ball. The loud sound of many voices and several footsteps, informed him of the presence of several people in the building. He immediately dreaded the idea of socializing with them and mentally scolded himself for not protesting his mother's request for a ball.

Cautiously, he clung to the railings of the staircase and began making his way down the stairs. He would have loved to make his entrance into the drawing room with Hadassah by his side, but getting into her dress was proving to be a difficult task. Her dress, according to her, had grown to be two sizes too small for her figure. Daniel wondered about it, briefly wishing he could catch a glimpse of what she looked like pregnant but he quickly pushed the thought aside and instead rang for her maid, Leah. By the time Leah arrived, he was fully dressed and excused them.