Finding Him

39l Bedding

There was no interpretation of the kiss. There was neither an interpretation nor an explanation and there were days Hadassah nearly succeeded in convincing herself there was no kiss. Then, she'd remember the evening -after Leah had helped her get dressed for the ball- she had made her way down the stairs to the most shocking sight she had ever seen. Standing right there in the hall was a sickening sight of Daniel kissing another woman. She had been so stunned, it was nearly impossible to move from her position on the stairs. She would remember that evening and be reminded of the reality and truth of the kiss.

Yet, Daniel spoke nothing of it, his silence helping to heighten her feeling of frustration and anger she could in no way express for there was a part of her that believed herself deserving of his betrayal. She deserved to have him engage in such shameful display of indecency because she herself had been unfaithful to him and she bore the fruit of that infidelity, a fruit that was rapidly growing within her.

Daniel didn't speak of the kiss, and she didn't ask.

It was spring the following year, three months after the kiss, that Hadassah was thrown into a sudden, unexpected labor. She had been sitting in the garden with Lady Talbot, knitting a sweater while Lady Talbot knitted a blanket for her unborn child, when a sudden wave of pain raced through her stomach. A small yelp escaped her lips as her hands instinctively tightened their hold on the knitting pins.

“Hadassah?” Lady Talbot's voice barely registered in her mind when yet another bout of pain followed closely and in only a matter of minutes, she was lying with her back pressed to the mattress and her knees drawn up to her stomach.

She cried through the birth, her tears having very little to do with the pain of bringing a child to the world, and more to do with the pain of knowing it might not belong to her husband.

“Here.” Leah held out a yelling bundle to her but she shook her head, turning to the side instead. She couldn't look at it, not now.

She pressed her eyelids shut and in only a matter of seconds, fell asleep.

“You seem perfect.” The darkness surrounding Hadassah, slowly but surely gave way to light as her eyelids snapped open, pain suddenly bombarding her mind once more. She pressed her lips together to keep from groaning. “You seem so perfect. ”

Suddenly aware of the presence of someone else in the room, she pushed herself slightly up, leaning on her elbows.

Sunlight streaked into the room from the parted curtains, lightening up the room. Yet, the sunlight paled next to the bright smile on Daniel's face. He stood by the fireplace, cradling a bundle in his arms, his head bowed over the bundle. He seemed to be staring at something, she thought, even if he couldn't see. When she followed his gaze, she found the child's fingers curled around his finger.

“Perhaps you are perfect, I'm unable to see for myself.” He said and she thought she saw the bundle move. Retrieving his finger from the baby's grip, he tightened his hold around the baby. “It wouldn't matter anyway, I'll love you.”

Exhausted, Hadassah settled into bed, tears streaming down her face. They looked perfect together, she thought. Watching Daniel holding that bundle in his arms made her desire to go back to the past and stop Julius from doing what he did. She desired to stop herself from lying there while he defiled her body. She desired to stop the birth of the child from coming about. But as she laid still in bed, she knew she was powerless to stop anything.

“Dasa?”

She froze, the sound of his approaching footsteps filling her with anxiety.

“I thought I heard you.” Standing beside her, when he took her hand in his, she turned to him. He no longer held the child in his arms and while she considered for a second where it was he must have kept the child, she knew it to be safe. “Did I awaken you?” A small frown showed his concern, the thought alone making her want to cry some more. For many months, she allowed herself believe he cared nothing for her but seeing the look on his face now, she knew he did.