Finding Him

32l Pleasure

A flurry of activities followed shortly after their hug ended. Somewhere in the midst of Hadassah's confused mind, she heard Daniel enter into a heated conversation with her uncle. She felt him tighten his hold on her hand as he challenged her uncle to take the alleged kid napping of his niece to court. After making claim of his right to take his wife home, he ushered her into the waiting carriage amidst her uncle's protests. It wasn't until the carriage began to move forward, did Hadassah lean into Daniel's side and take a deep breath.

Mentally, she was exhausted; too exhausted to comprehend the fact that she no longer had to live with the impending threat of a marriage to Julius. She no longer had to spend her nights crying and hoping that by some stroke of good luck, Daniel would find her. She was safe now, she sighed, his arm coming to settle on her shoulder as he pulled her further against his side. He leaned down and planted a kiss on her head, a soft yawn escaping her lips as she pulled her eyelids shut and drifted to a peaceful sleep.

“Dasa.” There was a tug on her shoulder. Jerking upright, she awakened from her slumber to find Daniel seated beside her. Relief flooded her features as she remembered her rescue. “We are here, we must rest in Sheffield before journeying to Rye tomorrow, you seem tired.”

Nodding, she allowed herself be ushered into the boarding house, Leah clinging to her arm. They were shown to their room and half an hour later, a bath was brought in. One look at the bath and Hadassah immediately remembered the evening of her near suicide. She remembered burying her face in the water and breathing...

“Dasa?”

Stunned at the hand that rested on her shoulder, she jumped, a loud cry escaping her lips as she turned around sharply. Her heart pounded loudly in her chest, the horror of the evening of the rape and suicide, taking over her entire being. Subconsciously, she had expected to turn around to find Julius standing bare before her. The sight of Daniel, rather than Julius, caused tears of relief to flow down her cheeks.

“Are you alright?” A frown creased his face, two thin lines pulling at the edges of his brows.

Shaking her head, she covered the distance she had created between them and smashed her lips against his. She wasn't alright, but he was here and for now, he was all she needed. She kissed him with desperation, desiring that his presence would take the memories of that evening away.

Daniel's body was tense as she continued to kiss him. After a short while, he took hold of her shoulders and took a step back.

“Are you alright?” She heard the hint of concern in his voice.

Swallowing the lump of grief that had managed to lodge her lungs, she sighed and forced a smile to her lips even if she knew he couldn't see it. “I only missed you so much, I imagined you will never find m...” Her voice faded, her emotions nearly choking her.

Daniel shook his head, the frown on his face deepening. “Forgive me,” He placed a hand on her wrist. “I thought you ran off and I believed you wanted nothing to do with me. I was stupid to believe that and I would have kept on believing it if Leah hadn't heard of Lady Evelyn's canceled marriage to your uncle.”

Hadassah frowned, at his admission that he thought her capable of running away from him and at her uncle's planned marriage to her friend. Then Lord Hadley was the suitor Lady Evelyn hated so much? Why hadn't she bothered with the identity of the man, and why was the marriage canceled? Perhaps that was how Lord Hadley found her, perhaps he had been in Rye to conclude his marriage plans and had ended it when he found...

Daniel's hand sliding up her arm pulled her back to the present.

“I missed you.” He whispered, his voice laced with desire. She realized she desired him as well, his presence, as well as his body.

“I will never try to run off.” She heard herself say in a bid to ease his fears.

“I know that now.” He took a step forward and placed a hand against her tear stained cheek. She saw his face crumble into yet another frown as his finger traced her tears. “I will never let this happen again, Dasa. I will never let harm come to you. I will never let anyone take you away from me.”

She thought of Julius then, his palm pressed to her cheek as he forcefully claimed her lips and eventually, her body. Perhaps she needed to tell Daniel what happened, how his brother had his way with her. Yet, everything in her knew he would never accept her if he knew what had been done to her, how she had been defiled by his brother. She would never be good enough for him and might eventually lose him. She immediately knew she couldn't tell Daniel, not when she had him now, not when she no longer had to be afraid of Julius, not when the knowledge of her rape would tear her marriage apart. Surely she could live with this secret? Julius himself would never be bold enough to mention it, knowing it would ruin him and perhaps even dispossess him of his inheritance. They would both take the secret to their graves...

...And in life, she would forever be plagued by the memory of Julius defiling her.

Shaking her head in a failed bid to rid herself of the memory, she stepped forward and kissed Daniel once more. This time, his lips parted to welcome hers.

As they kissed, she was suddenly standing before Julius, trying to breathe as he claimed her mouth. She felt her lungs burn for oxygen and saw darkness begin to cloud her vision. Fighting to keep her tears from falling, she leaned further into Daniel as their kiss deepened. She would remind herself who it was she was with, she thought, her fingers clutching the fabric of his shirt; she was with Daniel and he was her husband. He wasn't a monster trying to force her into marriage...

Just then, as the thought raced through her mind, a soft moan escaped his lips, an indication of the pleasure he was deriving. It was saddening to think that she derived no pleasure from the kiss they shared, not right now anyway. Perhaps if she kissed him long enough, she would forget Julius.

Her hands slid up his chest as he pulled away slightly. “Don't stop.” She murmured, leaning in for yet another kiss.

“Perhaps it is best if you take a bath? The journey will be a long one.”

Terrified at the thought of stepping into the tub, she shook her head, the overwhelming desire to cry nearly crippling her. “Please, Daniel,” She shook her head, her voice breaking. “Please don't stop.” She didn't wait for a response, before pressing her lips to his once more.

He didn't protest her actions and after a while, he placed her on the bed and took great pleasure in her body, none of which she shared. She instead held her eyes firmly shut as the images of Julius standing nude before her, plagued her mind.

When she was sure Daniel had fallen asleep, she gave in to her tears.

Copyright © 2018 Lily Orevba All rights reserved.