Finding Him

51l Enough

The tap tap sound of the walking stick making contact with the cobbled walkway drifted to where Hadassah stood on the balcony that evening, her eyes following the lone figure of the man who struggled to manuver through the garden. His once tall figure was now slightly bent to the right, his bald head was now covered with hair and his clothes hung loosely on his now thin body. He was worlds apart from the man she married, barely recognizable from behind.

Time had changed him, she realized. Time and life's experiences had changed them both. He was out of his coma, but he was far from her. She sensed the distance between them and she felt it grow wider as the days went by. Perhaps it wasn't his fault alone that there was now distance between them, perhaps the fault laid at her feet as well by agreeing to Julius' marriage proposal when Daniel needed her the most. Guilt kept her from Daniel. She was guilty of neglect and in a way, betraying him. She cared more for herself than she did their marriage. And now that Daniel was alive and well, she was unable to walk away from Julius. She was unable to leave Julius, to end the proposal between them.

Was there even a proposal? She sighed, leaning her elbow against the railings. Surely there could be no proposal with her marriage to Daniel still in existence. Surely Julius was wise enough to know that much. She shook her head, knowing it wasn't the case. Julius still kissed her like she belonged to him and she still failed to push him away. She was confused and more than anything, she was afraid. She was afraid she'd wake up one morning and find Daniel gone. She had lost him once, when the erroneous news of his death reached Birmingham. Then, she lost him again when she journeyed to Italy to find him half dead. Then she lost him a third time, on the night of her engagement when she heard he was missing. She had lost Daniel too many times and there were times she truly believed she never had him.

Daniel pulled to a halt and leaned down. She watched as his fingers brushed over a bed of roses. Gently, a plucked a red rose and straightened.

She knew she loved him, she thought as she watched him stand there with the rose in his hand. She loved him and it was her love for him that made her fear she would lose him. She didn't know if she wanted to endure the pain of losing him again. Still, she knew walking away from him would bring about the same result; she would be losing him if she walked away.

Daniel lifted his head up then, blue eyes glistening in the darkness. She knew he couldn't see her, yet she knew he sensed her watchful eyes. It didn't matter that he was blind, he sensed everything which made her wonder if he sensed her relationship with his brother. Somehow, the thought of it sent a cold shiver of regret down her spine. She all of a sudden knew, as she stared at his blue eyes, that she didn't want to lose him, she didn't want him to leave her eith...

The door cracked open, gaining her attention. Turning around sharply, she found Julius making his way into the room and to where she stood on the balcony. He smiled at the sight of her.

“I assumed I would find you here.”

Suddenly feeling chilly, she wrapped her arms around herself and nodded. “Perhaps you should have knocked. ” She motioned to the door and he turned around briefly, before turning back to her, a frown settling on his face.

“I didn't think it necessary, forgive me,” He reached out and pulled her into his arms, grinning. “Will you not?”

She ran her eyes over his face, seeing clearly the features he shared with his brother. He shared the same eye color, the same masculine structure of his face, the same well defined nose and thin lips. Yet, as she stared into Julius' eyes, she saw the difference in them. She saw the hardness in his eyes, the evil that lurked behind them, the man willing to force her into a marriage, the man who raped her. But there was something else she found there, something she was surprised to find, something that contradicted everything she thought she knew about him; love, he was in love with her.