Finding Him

42l Deep Blue Sea

The feeling of rejection settled in the pit of Hadassah's stomach as she listened to Lady Talbot's announcement; Daniel had been last seen getting into the carriage. She waited in vain for his return that evening and when he didn't return, she knew her feelings were correct, He had rejected her and the baby and for that, she was unwilling to lay eyes on the child as well. Wasn't it his fault, this child of the devil himself, that she was here, rejected by the man she loved?!

Several days went by without Daniel or the footman who drove the carriage. While Lady Talbot seemed nervous, Hadassah could tell she was trying to remain calm. Perhaps they had gone on a trip, Lady Talbot would reason as the days progressed. Perhaps the trip had been urgent. Lord Talbot however, didn't seem to care for his missing son. In his words, they had been no word of an accident in Birmingham and all of England, surely Daniel was fine and had simply lost his mind by abandoning his wife and new born child! Hadassah failed to listen to either of their reasonings, knowing Daniel was indeed fine but had chosen to leave her forever. She would never wake up to find him beside her! Tears sprang to her eyes and she didn't bother to wipe them away. It was her fault, it was all her fault.

The carriage returned, bringing with it a glimmer of hope that immediately destroyed the second the footman disembarked alone. She knew then, she would most likely never see Daniel again. Not bothering to ask what had happened to him, where he had decided to run off to, she turned from the front porch and made her way to her bed chamber where she gave in to her tears.

She was sitting alone in her bedchamber one evening when a soft knock sounded on the door. Thinking to ignore it, she focused her attention on the flickering fire.

“Hadassah?” The door creaked open but she didn't turn to acknowledge the intruder. “Hadassah.” The voice was soft, she thought, soft and filled with...

Turning around sharply, she wasn't surprised to find Lady Talbot standing by the doorway, tears streaming down her face. No, she wasn't surprised at all. She was especially not surprised when Lady Talbot informed her, amidst her tears, of the shipwreck, the same ship Daniel had been on. Hadassah hadn't even known he had decided to embark on a journey by ship. She knew he was desperate to get away from her, but she apparently did not know the extent of his desperation.

When Lady Talbot crossed the room and crumbled to a pile of grief on the sofa, Hadassah's eyes drifted to the lone figure by the entry way; Lord Talbot. His eyes glistened with unshed tears and the tenseness of his features told her he was trying and failing to maintain his composure.

“He's dead, Hadassah, they are all dead!” Lady Talbot wailed.

Hadassah looked beyond Lord Talbot as something behind him moved, gaining her attention. So, he wasn't alone. Of course not, there was Berta, Leah, and a handful of servants, hands clasped before them. Were they here to watch her break down? Was she supposed to cry? Would her tears bring Daniel back from the deep blue sea where his body had so graciously chosen to be buried? Ah, but he was so eager to be away from her, he even desired to have his body buried where she couldn't reach him. Would her tears make him love her?! Perhaps he was dead, but would it make him love her?! His soul maybe, maybe if his soul was capable of love, would it be willing to love her?

For the life of her, she couldn't cry. Lady Talbot's loud wails drifted to her, causing her eyes to shift to the woman who sat crying helplessly. She saw the grief so plainly expressed in his mother's eyes, his mother that loved him. Lady Talbot didn't just love him, she was worthy to love him. Hadassah on the other hand, wasn't worthy. Who was she -the woman who practically drove him to his grave- to love him?

Releasing a soft sigh, she rose to her feet. “Very well,” Clasping her hands before her, “I would like to be left alone now.”

Lady Talbot's eyes snapped up, confusion reflecting in the depths of her eyes. She sat gaping at Hadassah who stood waiting patiently for her to leave her bed chamber.