Vanilla And Cocoa

Chapter 39 "Let's Talk"

"Where do you want to go?"

I looked at my father awkwardly before shrugging. "I don't know. Surprise me."

My father sighed as he waited for the light to turn green. We sat in awkward silence before my father decided to speak up again. "What changed?"

I slightly turned my head to him. "What?"

"You're not angry. You're more...subdued." He raised an eyebrow at me and then the car started moving again. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked out the window with an withdrawn stare.

"A lot happened since the last time you saw me."

"Want to talk about it?" He tried. His wrinkle ridden face was relaxed but his body language was cautious.

I kept my mouth shut and kept looking out the window. He took it as a sign to let it go.

We arrived at small cozy café and I nearly snorted a laugh. He looked at me in alarm. "Is this not okay?"

I shook my head, trying to wipe a tiny smile off of my face. "It's just cliché."

He relaxed and motioned to the tables. "Why don't you pick a seat and I'll get our drinks? What would you like?"

"Green tea with honey is fine." I said before walking over to a polished wooden table in the back of the establishment beside a window.

I tapped my fingernails thoughtlessly on the table as I watched my father order our drinks. This was weird. It shouldn't be, though. An normal eighteen year old girl should be able to have a simple outing with her father without it being awkward and weird. But I guess we never were a normal family, huh?

I noticed him walking back with two cups in hand and I straightened up, awaiting him silently. He placed mine in front of me and sat down across from me. I took a sip and let the taste settle on my tongue before I spoke.

"I got to get this off of my chest to let it go," I started. He looked like he wanted to say something but decided he would let me continue speaking. "My mother is a hard working woman. I know this. She works really hard to make sure we both have a home and food. She never needed you but sometimes I wonder if I needed you. Maybe, if you were there, I would have done this differently or wouldn't have done that. All a person can ask really is, "What if?" But then my heart answered that I wouldn't be the person I am today without those decisions."

I took a long sip of my tea and let the warmth of the cup sink into my hand. "I told myself over and over again that I was over it. You were just a part of my life I didn't care about but, when you just decided you were going to show up like that, I felt this emotion start to wake up. I was angry at you this whole time and I didn't even- I pushed it so far down that it laid dormant until then."

My father shifted in his seat but I didn't bother to look at him. "I hated you. I wanted to blame for every bad thing we had to go through. Every time I sat in a silent house because my mother was working her ass off, every time we nearly missed the rent or did and we had to sell some of our stuff, every time I heard my mother crying in her room when I was a kid because she thought that she wasn't good enough. Every time. I wanted to scream, kick, cry, and beg you to just tell me why. I wanted to because I loved you and I wanted you to explain why you didn't love me, too."

I looked up and met his glistening brown eyes. I saw myself. Who I had become. I hid my smile behind the rim of my cup and drank again. "You've met Justin and Merissa, right?"

He nodded and I continued. "Their mom practically abandoned them but she left them with a huge house and a bunch of money in the bank. When I met them, oh, it was bad. They were different. Lost. Anyway, their mother came back awhile ago because Merissa and I wanted her, too, for personal reasons. Long story short, they had an emotional moment and she stayed. Or, at least, we thought she was going to. I get phone call from her one day and she tells me she can't do it."

I tightly closed my eyes against the memory. "She told me she couldn't do because she saw the damage she caused and she tried. She tried. Can you believe her? Justin and Merissa were in a very bad place at the time and she knew that. She knew that and she left. This caused me to take Merissa from Justin and it put...it put him in the hospital." I heard a nearly silent splatter on the table and looked down to see a teardrop.

"Sorry, I just-" I wiped my face and he reached over and grabbed a napkin for me. "Thank you."

"Ugh, where was I?" I sniffed. "Oh, so, right. Justin ends up in the hospital. Her leaving caused more damage because she quit than when she was away. But, at least, she's out of their lives for good, right? I watched this happen and I realized that you could've did something like that to me. You could've been an in and out father who just gave me money every so often hoping it would placate me. That doesn't excuse what you did, of course. But, if Justin and Merissa could give their mom a second chance, I can to. However, I refuse to get screwed over like they did."

I let out a breath. "I need you to tell me now. Are you in or are you out?"

My father leaned back in his chair and rubbed at his eyes. "You've grown into a very intelligent young lady. It's all because of your mother. She is very intelligent as well. I came back because I'm getting too old for the work I was doing. I have the option to go back but, in the few months since I saw you last, I've had lots of time to think. And I'm so sorry. I've put both of you through a lot of hurt and that's nothing I can fully make up for but I want to...stay. I'm not expecting to move back in with you. I can get my own place but I want to get to know my little girl again. I want to be in your life again."

I felt happiness tingle at my fingertips and sipped at my now cool tea. "We can start off slow."

He smiled, toothy and bright. "Okay."

-------------------

I wrote all of this in one shot so, if it has a lot of errors, I'm sorry lol

One more chapter...?