Imagine Me Darker

Chapter 31

Part One

I'm now a week into my medication, and I honestly don't know what it's supposed to be doing. The doctor was never really that specific. All it's doing right is that the medicine is giving me a very dry mouth.

Today Mark went out to get more groceries. To be fair, we were running low on food, but I feel like there was more than the fact we have no more milk that made him leave. He's been very supportive, but I feel like he's confused. Almost like he doesn't know what to do or how to help. He wants to help, he really does, but doesn't really know how. I wish I wasn't so worn out all the time. Then Mark and I could do something that doesn't consist of appointments. Or I could hang out with Kate and visit Lillian. I miss them so much.

So here I am, pacing around the house like an aged cat, trying to clear my head. Trying to forget, trying to convince myself that it will all be okay. My need to be comforted conflicts with my need to be alone with my thoughts. The medicine makes my stomach weak, so eventually I go and lie down.

But something isn't right.

The silence, instead of being comforting, is eerie. I feel empty, and the rooms feels like it's slowly closing in on me. Panic settles in on me, and I feel as if thoughts are being pushed onto me.

See? I control you.

My heart drops, "No-"

I can make you feel whatever I want.

"Dark please," I beg. I am so exhausted, I can't even try to stop him.

Anger...

Heat rushes to my face, and my teeth instantly clench.

Fear...

I take a sharp breath. My hands start to tremble. "Please, not again. Just leave me-"

...Even desire.

I fall to the ground and a moan escapes my lips. My mind reels, thinking of him. But the image flickers, and I can no longer tell if I'm thinking of Mark or Dark.

Complete and utter control.

Suddenly I feel my body surrender. I'm on my knees and I put my head on the floor, giving up.

"I'm done Dark. I'm so done with this back and forth shit....I can't do it.."

A hand touches my chin. I reluctantly lift my head. No one is there.

That's what he says every time. I can't do it. I won't . I'm done. But look, he's still going, he's still mine.

"Why do you hurt him?" Tears start to fall, "How come being in control has to come at someone else's expense?"

That's what control is. Having someone completely to yourself.

"No it's not! I love Mark and he loves me, and we have each other. No one else, and that's all that matters. Pain isn't control, Dark. Putting Anti in pain isn't controlling him."

It's not just him who's getting hurt Jack.

Wiping my face, I sit up.

Mark is hurt too. He might not show it, but deep down, you're tearing him apart.

"No I'm not! You're lying!"

Am I? That's why he's gone, because he's so done with you. He can't handle the pain you're putting him through.

I shake my head, "Where's Anti?"

Not here. I'm keeping him away until I figure out what he told you.

"Is all of what you said true?" I say to the open room, "Is what you said about Anti true?"

Yes, he replies seriously, He is not safe.

"And you are?" I scoff.

Dark chuckles, Oh Jack. You are so naive.

I stand up and pace the room, trying to find him. Dark laughs and continues, I'm like water.

I freeze. Confused I whip around and stumble forward.

"Why? Because your flexible and hard to contain?"

No, Dark says, Because I keep you alive and break you down piece by piece.