Heaven [Book 3]

[6.] I Lost The Love Of My Life So Nothing Else Mattered

(And here it is! Leon's summary of the last four years of his life. Nanouk, I hope it was worth all of your effort ; ) Enjoy! xx)

I AM OKAY.

I am happy.

I am a successful businessman who lives in a lavish apartment with no care in the world.

I am also a businessman who recently saved his company from liquidation.

I have had no girlfriend for three years and eleven months (I am not counting).

I can also count the number of people I trust on one hand.

I am also doing this wrong.

I groan and run a hand through my hair. The purpose of repeating positive affirmations to start my day is ruined if I turn negative. Ludmila will be angry, she really hates when I mess this up.

But it was easy to mess it up; to think about the things that have gone wrong in my life. They run through my head the moment I have a second to spare, which I suppose is not a lot considering the business has just started to get back on its feet and money is flowing through it.

I looked up at the big building ahead of me. I was lucky that we owned the piece of land and, when things started to fall apart, we did not need to worry about rent.

The memories were still surreal. How could we go from a lucrative business to a business that was forced to retrench workers and had a bank overdraft?

Despite the severity of the situation (thousands of people would lose their jobs including me), I was grateful for the distraction, Because one month earlier I lost the love of my life and it was entirely my fault.

For a month, I tangled my life with Gery's. She was a burning reminder of what happened and how much I lost but I think that was why I could not let go of her. I needed to witness my mistakes each day to teach myself why I could never do it again.

Being with Gery felt like nothing. I felt nothing. I felt hollow whenever I was with her, more than usual. It did not feel like I was missing a part of myself; I was missing everything. I lost the love of my life so nothing else mattered.