Heaven [Book 3]

[24.] The Plan Was Foolproof

I TOOK TOMAS out on a date.

He deserved it. He deserved to be doted on after everything I had put him through since we had arrived. I had been so caught up in my remedying of my relationships, the wedding and...my father's death that I had abandoned in him in a way.

I felt guilty, but it was more than that.

I always knew that I would always love Leon. He was my first love and that was forever in a way. There would always be a special part in my heart with his name written all over it. But I also thought that I had moved on. I betrayed him years ago, and our love was tainted from that moment. I never believed we could get past that, so I assumed that it was over. Done.

Then I arrive and suddenly it feels as though my world revolves around him once again. I'm no longer the accomplished lawyer who created a new life for herself, no I'm the lovesick teenager who wrote poems about her childhood crush in her diary. I blushed when he spoke to me and I could barely think straight when he looked at me.

Every day spent with him took me to another world. Even though we hadn't done anything this past week because of our almost incident, we had spent a lot of time together before and after my father's death. I forgot everything when I was with him. It became just us. Nothing else. No distractions.

Then I would return home to a boyfriend waiting with warm arms always prepared to scoop me up into a hug. Tomas was everything that I didn't deserve. When I told him my secret, I was convinced that he would run away. But he didn't. He stayed. He stayed and he stayed.

Now, he let me take him away on an extended trip to my hometown. He was perfect and I was mistreating him. He cared about me, but I was happy to spend more time with Leon. I was happy to almost kiss him.

So the date was supposed to ease my conscience. Tomas knew that something was up and he knew that this date was my atoning for my mistakes, but he never mentioned it. He would never mention it. Tomas has always been the kind of person who would never push for answers instead he would patiently wait for me to explain what was troubling me when I was ready for it.

I had always appreciated that about him. I was never one to overshare, or just share in general. It meant a lot to me that he would wait for me and that he never cared how long it took. He only ever cared about the fact that I trusted him enough to tell him.

That is what made this worse. I could never tell him that I almost kissed Leon. I could never tell him that I wanted to kiss him. That I always thought about him. That I had betrayed him even after he had completely devoted himself to me. I was a monster, but not even I could do that.

"Fran, you okay?" Tomas leans across the table and touches my hand gently.

"Of course." But my eyes don't meet his.

His fingers linger over mine for a more seconds before he draws his hand back. He clears his throat and picks his fork up again. His eyebrows are furrowed and there is a slight downturn to his lips, but he doesn't push.

"Tomas, I love you. I don't want you to ever forget that. I know I'm distracted sometimes and I've honestly become a pretty shit girlfriend, but believe me when I say that I love you. That will never change." This time I intertwine our fingers.

He smiles at me in an understanding way. He believes me, but he also knows that it's only half the truth.

Because yes I love him.

But I also love Leon.

And Leon's name his been on my lips the entire night and he consumed the thoughts even with my boyfriend across me.

But he left it.

-

JEALOUSY IS DETRIMENTAL in relationships.

It is probably one of the most potent relationship killers. It was not entirely attractive when the line between protective and possessive was crossed. Jealousy is also often built on distrust which is obviously key to a relationship.

Which is why I decided to tell Ludmila that we should set Leon up on a date.

If I got jealous, it would probably blow up and Leon would probably hate me. I had no right to get jealous. I left.

If I didn't get jealous, it would also be a good thing because it would show that my feelings for Leon were trivial and that it was all done now. It was merely a momentary lapse of judgement.

I mean the plan was foolproof.

Ludmila was fervently against the idea. She explained that for the last four years she had been trying to do the same thing. Leon refuses to date anybody. He was content with being married to his work (and pining for his ex which he always left out but Ludmila filled in). I brushed off the idea of him still being that in love with me and continued to flesh out the idea.

Ludmila eventually surrendered and we started to go through our contact lists. There were many lovely women whom I thought Leon would be lucky to date, but Ludmila continued to turn them down. It became clear that she was never going to be happy, so I just chose someone on my own.

"Please, talk to him about it first. Don't set it up yet." Ludmila begs.

Should I have mentioned that we were not exactly on speaking terms since we had almost kissed twice? Probably.

I grip my phone tightly in my hand and press it against my ear. The phone rings twice before he picks it up.

"Cesca," He says breathlessly.

"Am I bothering you?" I ask hesitantly.

"No! Of course not." He says quickly. "What's wrong?"

"I know that we haven't been...anyway, I have a proposition for you. I have found—okay found sounds wrong. I know, or well Ludmila knows...well we–"

"Fran, breathe. You can tell me anything." I hated how sincere he sounded. I was trying to forget about him. Couldn't he just get with the programme already?

"We were wondering if we could set you up on a date!" I blurt out and immediately regret it.

Maybe this was not such a good idea...

"I can't." His voice sounds pained, but I push on. I'm selfish and I need this.

"C'mon Leon! It will be fun. We could even double date. I think it will good for you. I am positive that you will enjoy yourself," I say.

"That's a sweet thought, but I could never be happy with her. With anybody." He stops.

Else.

Ludmila mouthed. I grimace and finally sit down. He doesn't hang up. I let out a deep breath and I can hear him shuffling. Ludmila pats my shoulders and then walks out of the room.

"Leon..."

"I'm sorry. I can't do it. You know that I can't. Let's just leave it at that alright. We don't have to talk about us or you and him. It's my fault and I'm sorry. Cesca, you know how I feel. So you have to know that I can't do it. I'm sorry."

He hangs up and I let out a choked sob. So much for that idea. So much for getting over it. So much for saving my relationship.

I'm sorry.

—-
I genuinely don't expect anybody to read this stuff (because it's been like years...) I've pretty much moved on from Wattpad, but I can't leave a story unfinished. It's just something in my brain.

So I will try my best to churn out these last six chapters and get it over and done with!