We Are The Delinquents

Why do you look do gray? ( 4 )

(LISTEN TO MUSIC WHILE READING- it's instrumental/weird noises) (the music may be a little creepy but it fits with the way this chapter is) (if this chapter makes you sad then I am very sorry😂) (sorry if there are a lot of grammar or spelling errors I'm just flat out lazy😂)

*December 18th*

Beginning of flashback

It's pouring rain outside as I sit on my knees holding my hand as a bullet went through it and I watched the blood seep out. Daniel was fighting the cops to get to me but they held him back as my hand was shaking from the pain. I couldn't hear or feel any emotion. My mom was there screaming things at me asking what was wrong with me and all I could do was hold my hand tears flowing down my cheeks. Daniel watched terrified seeing his little brother being taken away from him and watching me in agony as the rain poured on us. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU" my mom screamed out at me and I couldn't answer from how terrible I felt. She kept yelling insults and I felt myself starting to fade off to another world where crazy and insane meet. Watching Daniel get carried away and feeling the pain in my hand as quiet sobs came out of me. They put Daniel in the back of the cop car as he looked out the window and all I could do was watch him be pulled away from me by the cops.

End of flashback

"YOU ARE WORTHLESS" Alexis yelled out to me and I pictured all those people I killed as they all chanted those words out to me. "YOUR A MISTAKE" she yelled out as the whole group watch me dazed and confused as I tugged at my hair feeling my head spin in circles with the words repeating over and over. "YOU WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE BORN" she yelled out and I found myself falling into an even deeper hole this one never ending. My hair flying up as I fell deeper and deeper and deeper as there was no end to how much farther I could fall into the pit of my destruction and insanity. No words could explain how much sadness and craziness I felt at the moment. The anger building inside of me but I struggled to keep it down as it all could lash out at any moment but god knows when. God? GOD?! He isn't with me anymore. He left me a long time ago to rot and die in my own hole I dug myself in. Even though I'm catholic God ditched my plane fairly quickly that same night I killed kinky Kristen. My first human kill. The first person I ever shot. The first person that betrayed me. The first person who lied to me. THE FIRST PERSON THAT TOOK AWAY MY SANITY! IT DOESNT MATTER HOW MEAN SHE WAS TO ME SHE DESERVED WHAT SHE GOT! am I going crazy? Am I loosing every single piece of me? I'm loosing control! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD IM FROZEN! I CANT TAKE AWAY THOSE THINGS IVE DONE! MAYBE IF I DIDNT KILL I WOULDNT BE HERE! I WOULDNT BE IN THIS SITUATION WHERE I HAVE TO QUESTION MY OWN BEING!...........................................im loosing myself....................how do I take back everything I started? Is there a way I can? NO! THERE ISNT A WAY! IM LONG PAST AN OPTION! Or am I? WHO AM I KIDDING I AM MILES AWAY FROM BEING ABLE TO TAKE BACK WHAT IVE DONE NOW! THERES NO TURNING BACK!

Turning back? I CANT! NOT EVEN DOCTORS CAN HELP ME! IM JUST BECOMING EVEN MORE CRAZY! THIS CANT BE HAPPENING! do I run? Or do I hide? NONE OF THEM! I have nowhere to go. I'm now quickly loosing control of my old self and my own saneness. The longer I hold onto the thin stick the shorter it'll break! The stick being my sanity. Have you ever heard of this saying? I think it goes like.....don't bite the hand that feeds you. Well. Unfortunately. I bit that hand when I was only 8. IM GONE! IM LOOSING MYSELF! I CANT COME BACK TO REALITY! EVERYTHINGS FADING AWAY FROM ME! Everything's moving on.......forgetting about me.......leaving me......continuing on......without me..........I have no defense. I cant stop the things to come to me "ITS A SHAME YOUR DAD DIED AT THE ASYLUM FOR YOU". HE DIED?! OH NO! IM GOING TO BE KILLED! THIS CANT BE HAPPENING. SNAP BACK INTO REALITY! SNAP BACK! TURN BACK!

My head snapped in her direction my eyes reading only destruction pain and death "ALEXIS RUN". I got up grabbing her by the neck "LET ME GO". My body shook and I held her up choking her as she kicked and screamed in my grip until she stopped screaming her eyes closing and I felt her pulse stop. I dropped her throwing her on the ground looking at her now dead body. OH HOW MUCH I MISSED KILLING! NO! COME BACK! PLEASE! IM BEGGING YOU!..............my good self disappeared for I don't know how long as I felt my body shake even more holding in all my emotions I kept in too long. How did I even get here? How did I end up with my old friends before killing one of them and ending up in this situation?! How did I end up with a crazy boy who loves every bit of me but hasn't seen the worst of me? How have I managed to survive so long? Picturing myself as a young little girl doing ballet in her class the only one that was grumpy and never happy! Then there was a girl name Kristen. She brightened my day made me feel worthy again. Until.......she betrayed me. Everyone's running away from me leaving me alone in my own dark room known as my brain. They are all escaping my grasp as now it was only Daniel left to keep me company and I felt myself not being able to breath. I came back to reality looking at her dead body blinking a few times everyone fleeing in terror. I'm even scared of myself "YOUR INSANE". I look over seeing everyone in my group run away Daniel staying and looking at me worried but was frozen. I heard the sound of the cops and I knew what was yet to come. THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE ME AWAY AND KILL ME! I'm sure everyone is happy to hear that a insane girl isn't on the loose anymore....