2AM CALLS - luke hemmings

IV

"Hi," a soft voice said through the phone. I sat down at my desk. "Hey Luke," I whispered.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Jimi. I'm breaking down. I'm so sad and I hate everything." My heart broke in a million pieces. He didn't hate everything. He can't hate himself.

"I look in the mirror every day and every time I look at myself I think that I'm disgusting. I'm ugly, stupid and nothing is just right. My head is too big, my nose is too big, I have a tiny mouth and my eyes are just not pretty at all. My hair looks like a mess and I'm fat. I hate myself."

And then he breaks down. I wanted to open my mouth to say something, but his sobbing was too loud. He couldn't hear me.

I bit my lip and waited for him to cry less. I mumbles soft words into the phone, but I think he couldn't hear me, because there was no response.

What do I do? I was freaking out. I couldn't help him, but I wanted to help him. I wanted to help him so bad, but I couldn't.

I'm freaking out.

"Luke," I said. No response. "Luke," I said another time. He was still crying. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Luke please answer me. Don't cry please. Luke, please. I hate to hear you cry. This breaks me. You shouldn't cry. Please love yourself. I'm sure that you're beautiful."

The sobbing stopped and it was silent for a few minutes. I bit my lip. Did he hear me? He probably did. Otherwise he wouldn't stop crying, right?

"You don't know that," he said softly. "I do know that you're beautiful. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. I'm not the most beautiful girl ever, I know that, 'cause I'm not a model, but I'm beautiful in my own way. You're probably not a model either but you're beautiful Luke. I'm sure about that. And your voice is amazing." He let out a soft sob.

"It's crap."

"No it's not Luke. Your voice is beautiful," I said. "No, Jimi, it's not. Don't lie to me."

"I'd never lie to you Luke. I love your voice." He mumbled some words, but I couldn't hear them. It was silent again.

"Luke.."

"Jimi I just can't do this anymore," he mumbled. I stood up from my desk. "Yes you can. I'm sure you can. You have to, Luke."

"No. I'm- I don't want to be here anymore. It's been more than a year and I just- I don't see a future. There is no future for me. I'm really done with living."

I shook my head. "No, you're not. You can get through. Please stay calm. What do you do to stay calm?"

"I sing a song."

"Then sing a song."

"But my voice is ugly."

"That doesn't matter, just sing a song and calm yourself down. And please Luke, get someone to help you. You need help. You can't get through this alone."

"I just don't want this anymore," he said. "I want to go. People have to let me go." I shook my head. No, no one should die.

"You can get through this. I'm sure about that and I promise that you will. Please Luke, try to get some help. There is a way. Really," I said, almodt begging him.

"No Jimi, there is no way. I'm always on the road. I'm in every country or state, but home."

"That doesn't matter. There is a way. I know there is. Get help, please." He stopped talking. I was really begging.

I wanted Luke to stay alive. I need his 2am calls. I need to hear his voice every day. It's part of my routine. I just need Luke.

"I have to go. Bye Jimi."

And he hung up. I looked at my phone screen and bit my lip. Tears started to form into the corner of my eyes but I wiped them away. Don't cry, Jimi. Don't cry.