2AM CALLS - luke hemmings

VII

"I did something bad to myself Jimi, fuck I hate myself. But I-I needed to do it, Jimi please help me I don't know what to do anymore!"

Luke was crying. His sobs were hard and I could hear them very loud. He was probably alone because otherwise he wouldn't cry this hard.

"Luke, calm down. Please, I need you to calm down," I said softly. He didn't stop crying.

"I hurt myself Jimi. I did that, and I promised myself to never do that but I did and now I hate myself even more. I'm a failure, a huge one. No one likes me. I get why everyone is dissapointed in me, I always break promises," he said.

And it broke me.

It breaks me everytime he says something like this about himself.

"I need you to calm down Luke, please. You're freaking out and there is no need for you to do that," I said whispering. My roommate was asleep, like always, and I for sure didn't want to wake her up.

Luke's sobs were getting less loud. I smiled a little to myself. "You're not a failure Luke, you're good the way you are. You should see that too."

"I can't because none of that is true," he said after a short silence of him only sobbing. "I'm a failure, I really am. Everyone likes my friends more I know that. They hate that I'm the.. Eh, leader. They do, I know they do. People say that I'm their favorite but I'm not, I know that I'm not their favorite. They just feel bad for me because no one likes me."

"I'm sure that a lot of people like you Luke. You shouldn't be this hard to yourself. People like and love you, I know they do. The only thing you need to so is see that yourself," I said. I could hear Luke shake his head. "No, Jimi. You're wrong."

I sighed softly, hoping Luke couldn't hear that. "Luke, you should think more positive."

"I can't think positive if everything is negative."

"You think it is but much people know it's not. You're an amazing guy Luke, really. You should see that too."

"No Jimi, you don't understand. Everyone hates me, and you should too. I hate myself, other people do and the only one who doesn't hate me is you because you don't know who I am," he said, almost begging. Like he was begging for me to say that I hate him, that he's bad and that he is right about himself.

But he's not and I know that for sure. I don't know much about him but I know that he's a good guy, he has to be.

"Then tell me who you are, Luke. Tell me about your life. Your family, your friends, your job. Tell me."

He laughed softly, but it wasn't a nice laugh. "I can't," was all he said. It was silence for a long moment. The only thing you could hear was us breathing.

"I can't tell you who I am because you will hate me and honestly, I don't want that to happen yet. I need you, I need to talk to you because you make me feel less worse and I need that sometimes. I don't want you to know who I am yet. Maybe in the future, but I need you like this now. You not knowing who I am and me not knowing who you are."

"But Luke-"

"No Jimi, please. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight."

And that was when he hung up and left me. I couldn't sleep that night. I was thinking about what he had said. He thinks that I'll hate him. Is he really that bad? Is he a murderer? Did he steal something?

I don't know what kind of job he has or what kind of friends he has, but I'll know in the future and I'm making sure that I won't hate him.