I hope you don't ask why I force myself to think of you nowadays. I hope you don't wonder why I have to close my eyes and remind myself that nineteen months is way too much to give up now. I pray you don't act like you care in the next few days or give me some wrong impression that you, in fact, do care about me. Because I've gotten the message. I'm oblivious, not stupid. You don't care. You never cared. I'm just that toy you pick up when you're bored with the rest. But you get bored of me too, for I was never as fascinating and great as the rest. Not to you, anyways. Don't pretend that you care now, don't pretend that you cared ever. Because you would only be lying. You would only be planting ideas in my mind that extend to the far reaches of my subconscious and evict the truth that you never ever ever ever ever ever loved me. Nineteen months somehow hasn't been enough to numb the effects of you on my mind.
Now I begin to question myself. I begin to question if my profuse use of the word love was all in vain or if love does not last as long as I believed. And I hope you understand this one thing. I need love. I need attention. I need something that continually provides me with warmth and care and something that makes me feel worth something, anything. And I hope that this sounds as needy and whorish as I want it to.
If you can't provide me with what I need, I shall look elsewhere. And I have found it elsewhere. And you cannot ever stop me from being drawn to the one who will truly show me what I deserve.
June 15, 2014 3:33pm
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