Unhealthy [A Draco Malfoy Fanfic]

in the grave, i rot.

The next morning I woke up raw and numb. I felt stripped of everything, my thoughts, emotions, desire, love, lust, and anything else that existed in the now ever-growing grave that some may call a mind. The weight of my emptiness held me down to my bed. With every breath of his pain infused cologne, knives pierced my heart. I had loved him. I mean, after five years of destroying myself just for him to glance in my direction, it was hard not to.

I swung my feet down onto the floor, which never felt colder. Why me? That was the lingering question torturing me day in and day out. First, it was the wonder of Malfoy being interested. Now it was everything else, including that.

I didn't want to be a doll that was going to be passed around. I wanted him. But he didn't want anything but another name on his list. 

Did he? Thinking of those nights in the tower with a clear mind made me realize that those moments didn't feel like I was being put on his to-do list. There was something... something intoxicating when we were together. I could feel it even now. It was addicting. I became dizzy at the thought. I knew that he felt it too. After so many years of gawking at him, I had never seen him take off that veil he wore to lock himself in and everyone else out, except in those very few moments together. 

From the depths of the grave, anger was set aflame. Why was he acting like this then? Fine. If he wanted me, he was going to get every other possible thing but for me. There were no other words to describe my actions except for, revenge. If he wanted to play this double-edged game then I would play.

I made my way out of the common room, turning my face in the direction of the comforting sun. It kissed my skin with warmth and reassurance. As I began to pass more and more people on my way down to the dining hall, I slipped on my mask of confidence and strength. As it tightened up on my face, it only worsened my internal fire.

I strode over to the table with robes of green and silver and stood behind Draco. His posse of friends looked over his shoulder at my face, with confusion painted so clearly on them that they looked more stupid than usual.

I saw Draco smirk. He turned around and stood up, towering over me. As he looked me up and down, he stopped at my lips. For a moment, just a moment, he tensed up, but then returned to his snobby slouch and mocking smile.

"How can I help you, Manders?"

"Sorry to ruin your meeting," I glanced over at Crabbe and Goyle, "but do you happen to know where Bryan is?"

He looked into my eyes as if he were reading my every thought. He knew what I was doing, and I knew what he was thinking. His face molded into an expression that demanded me to stop.

"Hello? Are you going to answer me, or are you deaf?" I laughed.

He slugged back down into his seat.

"Probably jerking his mates off." I heard Crabbe laugh.

As much as he knew what I was doing, it was working. On my way to the Ravenclaw table, I felt his gaze of hate on me. But amongst the hate, there was want.

After what seemed about 120 seconds, Bryan perched himself across from me.

"How about today, you stick with me? I'll sit next to you in some classes, instead of with my friends. How about history of magic? Binns won't notice. " He smirked.

Oh wow, what a fucking saint. I should thank him for giving up his friends for me. I internally rolled my eyes.

I leaned forward, so close that I could smell the girl he must have been gnawing at last night, and smiled, "Maybe."

I heard someone storm out of the dining hall from another table, along with the absence of the piercing gaze. I should have been ecstatic that it was working, but I was hung with fear instead.