We Both Know Hearts Can Change

Bros before hoes

After our break-up, Dean left the hotel without saying a word to anyone. Needless to say, he wouldn't answer his phone, or check the furious (and also incredibly worried) messages I'd been leaving him. Normally one would call the police and file a missing persons report, but given we were talking about Dean, I was mostly concerned about the damage he may have been self inflicting.

His suspension hadn't only pressed pause on our careers, as well as our relationship, it had also affected our friends. I had to do my best to make AJ believe I was doing perfectly fine, because she was already extremely angry all the time and letting her know how pissed I truly was, would have only added fuel to the fire. Seth was not behaving like himself, no showing off, no dirty jokes, no nothing. It was hard seeing him like that, but there wasn't much I could do. He was the kind of person to gain energy from his friend's well being and the messy situation we were in had left very little of that.

The three of us were trying to stick together through that complicated period, while Roman was spending most of his days with his cousins, looking completely disinterested in us. I couldn't reach out to him, as I was trying to give him space and Seth didn't see the point in dragging him into our misery, given he was the only one who seemed to be doing fine.

As much as I agreed with Seth, I still felt powerless physically being around Roman that much, without being able to talk to him.

I made a pact with myself to channel my anger into training, hoping that it would keep rage from consuming me. Three weeks passed and my purpose was way far from being fulfilled, when Roman decided to knock on my door, giving me the exquisite feeling of a huge weight getting lifted off my chest.

''Hi. '' I greeted him with a faint smile.

He looked uncharacteristically hesitant, but whatever it was he wanted to say, I was simply overjoyed at the thought of being about to hear his voice again. I waited for him to do something, but he kept standing outside my room, unsure if wanting to come in or walk away.

''I tried to stay away from you. I really did. '' He finally spoke, as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

I had to stop myself from bursting into tears. Roman was visibly torn and even more obviously hurt, I felt guilty for thinking he had moved on with his life, that he was doing fine without me, after all we had been through.

''I know. '' I dried my eyes and cleared my throat, but when I spoke again, my voice wouldn't stop shaking. ''Could you... could you maybe stop doing that? 'Cause I miss you... a lot. ''

Roman's uncertainty vanished from his face, a familiar look of protectiveness took its place, as he pulled me in an idyllic embrace. He reached the back of my head with one hand, spread his fingers in my hair and buried his face in my neck, easily lifting me up with his free arm.

''I miss you too. '' He murmured, as he moved back to look me in the eyes.

''Not a day goes by that I don't feel like shit for causing you pain. I need you to know that. '' I whispered, lovingly caressing his face.

He closed his eyes, nodding delicately against my touch. ''I know. ''

I couldn't help myself from kissing him, we had already wasted so much time between him constantly hiding what he felt and me making a long series of stupid mistakes; I didn't want to wait anymore.

Roman welcomed my kiss with warm, soft lips that moved along with mine, feverishly craving for more flesh to taste, as our tongues intertwined. He firmly took my face in his hands, as we filled the space between our bodies. He groaned softly deepening the kiss, pulling me even closer and then suddenly pulling away.

''Goddammit... '' He was breathing heavily from the strain of holding back his desire and the frustration of having to do so, even though I wasn't sure why. ''This isn't what I came here for. ''

''I promise I can do better. I just need a little practice. '' I joked.

He chuckled. ''Don't worry, your make-out skills are on point. '' Then he shook his head with a look of embittered amusement. ''God... you can't even imagine what I'd do to you. ''

''As much as I'd like that, I'm sensing a 'but' coming. ''

Roman sighed. ''I want things to be simple again. I want to play video games with Seth even though I know he's gonna beat me and be a dick about it, I want to get incredibly confused at all the nerdy references you make when you're tipsy and before you say anything, 'May the shots be with you' is a nerdy reference. I... I want Dean to know I've got his back no matter what, 'cause he's my little brother and I love him... and stealing you from him is not the best way to prove that. ''

''I may not completely agree with this very elaborate way of saying 'bros before hoes', but at least I get the chance to be one of your bros, so I'll take it. '' I shrugged.

He smiled and kissed the top of my head. ''I knew you'd understand. ''

About that... I might have technically understood, but it didn't make me any less pissed, so as soon as Roman left, I proceeded to do what I was best at: self destructing.

I put on a scarily blank expression and grabbed the car keys, before heading out of the hotel. I didn't know where I was going, all I knew was that I wanted to get wasted. I drove to a shitty bar, there must have been 3/4 cars parked outside; lots of booze and hardly any people, exactly what I needed to drown my thoughts out.

I walked to the bar and let the night start.