We Both Know Hearts Can Change

''Liver poison'' is just a pretentious way to call booze

It would have taken an awful lot of Black Russians to make me drunk enough not to want to gouge my eyes out with my bare hands, so I decided I didn't have the time, or the patience, to go easy on myself.

I'd never quite appreciated that leave the bottle cliché, but there's a first time for everything, right?

After a very short amount of time, I was pouring myself the glass of whiskey that would have made half of the bottle empty and all of my head dizzy. The thoughts of my love life being a shitshow were still holding on tight to my brain.

''Today must be my lucky day. '' A clearly clueless guy in khaki pants approached me. He seemed to be ignoring all the visible signs of me wanting to be left alone.

''I wouldn't count on it. '' I replied, without turning in his direction.

''That's too bad, I thought you were the kind of girl that knows how to have some fun. '' He leant on the bar, insistently staring at me.

''That's exactly why I'm gonna stop talking to you now. '' I poured the drink down my throat and stood up, ready to leave that sleazy idiot high and dry.

''Geez. Cranky much? '' He grabbed my arm and I finally looked at him, he was sloppily handsome, well built, maybe a couple years younger than me, blue eyes, neat beard: the kind of guy who wasn't used to getting a lot of nos. ''Lucky for you I've got a very effective remedy for crankiness in my pants. ''

''Unless it's a bottle of scotch you're talking about, I advise you to get your hands off of me. '' I said, calmly.

''It's not, but you can still drink from it, if you're into that kind of stuff. '' He responded as he slapped my ass.

''Alright, champ. Time to beat it. '' I grinded my teeth.

''Or what? '' He snorted. ''You'll call your boyfriend? Like anyone would ever want to put up with that bitch face of yours for more than twenty minutes. You know, you'd be way cuter if you smiled every once in awhile. ''

I felt blood rushing to my face, of course, even the most ridiculous excuse of a human being had the power to make me feel miserable.

''I'm not her boyfriend, but I can still kick your ass. '' A familiar voice came from behind me, someone must have thought I was some damsel in distress and that made me even more pissed off than I already was. My fists clenched as if they'd had a mind of their own, one of them landed hard on the jaw of that douchy trust fund kid who, in turn, landed hard on his ass.

I grabbed the bottle from the bar and poured the liquor on his head, while proceeding on kicking him furiously. I was completely out of it, so when I felt a couple of strong arms lifting me off the ground, I threw an elbow to whoever my knight in shining armour was. He let me go and I turned around to see Randy Orton rubbing his cheekbone with a weirdly pleased look. ''Or... that can happen. Yeah, that'll do. ''

I slithered away from my incredibly famous colleague's gaze, wondering if he had recognized me, or if his gesture had been purely out of kindness towards a random stranger. Whatever the reason was, it didn't change the fact that I didn't need to be saved.

I put some money in front of a stunned bartender and headed outside. I decided to sit down for a bit, drunk driving was out of the question, since I was already going to be charged with assault in all probability. I put my head in my hands and whispered to myself ''You just elbowed Randy Orton in the face. ''

''Do I know you? '' Randy sat beside me, holding a brand new bottle of Jack Daniel's.

''I... we work together. '' I replied with a modest level of reluctance. I didn't particularly like him, or anyone whose ego was the size of the Pacific Ocean.

''Mh. '' He nodded as he lit up a cigarette. ''You're the one who gave the slutty redhead a makeover. ''

''Yep, that's me. '' I smiled weakly to the ground.

''I enjoyed watching that. '' He chuckled.

''Not as much as I enjoyed doing it. '' I dryly replied. I was hoping to end that pitiful conversation quickly, so that he could go back to winking at his reflection in the mirror or whatever.

''I bet teaching that guy a lesson felt just as good. '' He took a deep puff from his cigarette while looking at me with his usual satisfied expression, he wasn't going to let me shy away from talking to him.

''Maybe even better. Except I was too angry to fully enjoy the look on his stupid face, oh and I'll probably go to jail. '' I said, massaging my temples.

My coworker let out a generous quantity of smoke, before enthusiastically showing me his phone. ''I took care of both things. ''

''You didn't. '' I was looking at a selfie of Randy casually posing beside a bleeding douche soaked in whiskey.

''I did. '' He replied in the smuggest tone I'd ever heard.

''Shit, is he... '' I zoomed on the picture to find a crying bleeding douche soaked in whiskey.

''Yeah, well that may not be exclusively on you. All I did was calmly explain what would happen if I were to catch him laying his little manicured hands on a woman again, but apparently that was enough to make him start sobbing like a baby. Pathetic. '' He hesitated for a second. ''I might have also accidentally grabbed him by the throat during said explanation, but I don't think that's particularly relevant. ''

I shook my head chuckling at his ridiculous macho act, as I gave him the phone back.

''How can you look like the lovechild of cosmic pessimism and anger issues, after seeing that? '' He unscrewed the cap of the bottle.

''Fuck, that's accurate. '' I admitted.

''You need some serious liver poison. '' He handed me the whiskey.