The Perfect Boy

Best Friend Turned Bully

I beheld the owner of those eyes helping me in my difficult times. I was mesmerized by them not only because they were beautiful, but because they showed heartfelt care that brought shivers to my skin many times. No action needed from Ben to know that he cared deeply for me. Just by his being there and looking at those eyes, I was relief beyond measure. Like that time when he stood by, for 5 days, outside the room after school, looking through the windows for me to just let me know he was there. I had a detention for 5 awful days from standing up to a teacher who was not a man of his own word. Or those times when he watched me in swimming competition from behind the stand. He didn't want to show himself to me, because we had a fight the prior week, but he was there nonetheless for three days in a row and quickly disappeared before the event was over for the day.  But I had eyes of an eagle.

Ben was an intriguing person in my life.   He was never unsure of himself about how he treated me when we were friends.     I was never far from his watchful eyes, always there to protect me.  Slowly, but surely, my emotions of him grew to a level that I myself did not understand.   That was why I was crushed when I told him of my orientation and he cast me away.  Starting to discover who you were and being alone through it was debilitating. I developed unknown feelings for Ben as we grew. He was so handsome and had a very alluring personality, to me, at least. I spent my days being dazed and confused. I didn't know how to deal with my feelings. I hated myself for stealing looks at him whenever we were showering together in public shower at the swimming pool or in our respective ensuite bathroom in our bedrooms whenever we were together. I abhorred myself not being able to sleep while looking at him sleeping soundly, not being able to calm the beat of my heart.  When he held me tight being sound asleep, I laid awake until morning.  In my present he was cool, calm and collected.  In his presence, I was becoming a total wreck  I detested my emotions whenever he hugged me, I was having dirty thoughts because of that. I thought I must let heart out to him to let him know and hear his side.

And then when I told him, he didn't respond to me, at least with words. But those enthralling eyes changed to disgust. Yes, he didn't answer me with words, he hit me twice in my stomach so fast before I collapsed and knew what was happening.

So ended the fairy tale life of the brotherhood of Ben and Aspen. My dreamless nights were changing fast and filled with nightmares. The nightmares became progressively worse and so did my mood swings. Added to my dismay was not only the avoidance of Ben in my life, but also the fact that he had become the worst bully a best friend could ever have. I received punches and kicks. I endured slaps and pushes. I gracefully accepted his fury. I was guilt of my thoughts and feeling and I alone was to receive the blame.  I held my head up high, never shed a tear and became the Aspen I was today.