The Perfect Boy

Lucid Dream of Unquenchable Yearning

I was sitting next to Osaka on the bench. The evening air was almost unbearable, after all, the temperature dipped down to minus twenty degree Fahrenheit. Nonetheless, the air was very crisp and fresh. The stars showed themselves abundantly and seemed to be in a very happy mood, twinkling against the background of a darkening sky. The moon's round face was reflecting on the surface of the Lake Waha, the radiance of its light piercing the darkness was something to behold. Night creatures came out of their hiding place and painted the sky with blotches of darkness streaming across the sky, their sound accentuated the surreal surrounding we were in. The glistening snow-covered mountains beyond the lake added further beauty to the already picture perfect environment. There was no one else around on this side of the lake. It is just the two of us and it was perfect.

Having readied myself beforehand, I was comforted under thick layers of clothing shielding me against the blowing breeze. He leaned his shoulder against mine. The weight brings so much comfort and blanketed my heart with warmth. In my mind, I captured this time, moment by moment. I relished the togetherness we were in now : the sound of his calm breathing; the gentle caress of strands of hair being blown by the wind on my  chest, making me quiver; the  smell of his person; the silent bonding that was so loud in declaring our love for one another; the song the night creatures sang to us in perfect harmony; the tender touch of dew on my cheeks. All that came into my senses were forever ingrained in this heart and mind.

We stayed in the same position for what seem like forever. The ticking of time seemed to stop and we were captured in the stillness of the moment together with nothing but nature around us. I wanted this moment to be forever imprinted on my brain. I wanted to be able to come here time and again even when I was in a far place and at a far away time. I wanted my future memories to contained all the emotions and whatever came to my senses to remind me of where I was and who I was with tonight.

Then he turned  his head to mine and for the first time since we were here, I saw him face-to-face - my handsome Osaka. Those beautiful eyes of his looking straight into mine. They sent so many messages and I read them one by one. Still unable to quench my thirst, I dug further into his eyes. There, underneath the sparkles, I saw all those emotions reserved for me and me only. And for the first time tonight, I heard the words I had been wanting to hear coming from his mouth 

I love you'."

Then I woke up with the gentle hush as Ben tried to alleviate the pain I had to go through from waking up from my dream about Osaka.

It had been almost unbearable since his passing - exactly one month today.  If it hadn't been for Ben, I could not imagine what would become of me. I didn't attend his funeral.  For the life of me, I tried, but my body and mental state did not acquiesce.

I finally agreed to Ben's constant badgering to pay my final respect to Osaka.

The tiny bird had flapped its wings, I tried to hold on to it as long as I could, but I guessed I needed to let him go, not only for his good, but mine as well.  Before I'd visit today and say the last good bye.