The Perfect Boy

The End of the Rope

Ben let out a long sigh before continuing :"if it weren't for Anthony, I would have died. Two times he found me fainted from losing too much blood. I cut myself, right? He had gotten to my house knowing that my parents were away on a business trip on both occasions. I felt so lonely in that big house. You should see my new house; it is castle worthy, nonetheless it's cold and lifeless."   I knew, I went to his new house a couple of times, just because I missed the old him so much.

"So, Anthony became my companion. He gave me shelter when I needed it most. He provided me comfort when my head was about to burst dealing with my depression. And he told me to come and talk to you, many, many times."

I gasped.

"Yes, he did. You don't have to believe me. But he did. After many months being by my side, maybe around one year already, he understood my predicament. I told him everything, but I never told him I had feelings for you. He sensed that I cared for you very much. Sensing was not only what he was doing. He was being a witness of my true self that I tried so hard to hide from others. He caught me watching you from afar. He caught me red-handed crying over the photos we took together. He found the love letter I wrote to an imaginary person, and he found out about your name being encrypted in there somewhere. So, he pushed me to go to you."

"The day I dropped in through your window was his doing. He got me out of bed. He drove me to your house and dropped me off.  I got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore.  I  was sulking for days on end.  He is a good friend, you know. I knew he loved me for a fact and yet he still let me go to you. I found a note he wrote on his cell phone. He left it at my home one time, my parents were away again, and I was just being silly, thought to myself, the password couldn't be my birth date, and so I tried and there it was, I got in. Out of curiosity, I read his note. Not a good response for someone who is being cared so much right?" then he abruptly paused.

I looked at him inquisitively.

"Sorry, I wasn't supposed to tell you he was gay, I slipped. Sorry. I feel so guilty now."

"Well, so you said it allready, you can't take it back, so continue, will you?"

He was silent for a few minutes before continuing :"Well that's about it, Aspen. I know I can't take back all those things I did to you. But, I just want you to know that not a moment passed that I didn't feel guilt for what I had done to you. I remember the threats my father gave me. He still reminds me of it these days and his eyes are like hawk's eyes watching over me out side of school. But I have come to a point where I don't care any more. I am willing to take the consequences. He can send me to the moon for that matter, I don't care any more. And I haven't gotten used to his beatings. They were nothing compared to the guilt I feel. That is why I am here."

"Why did you choose today or the day before for that matter to tell me all this, Ben. I can't understand you. Why not earlier."

"You know Aspen, I bore this pain all by myself. I was so proud of you for being who you are today. I see you excelled in almost everything despite everything that went through in your life and my disgusting treatment to you. Even in swimming you excelled. I knew you hated swimming. I was the one who dragged you into the pool. But I watched you stood up there on the pedestal many times receiving something that you really earned. I can bear just loving you, admiring you, watching you from afar," he paused for a moment.

"If it wasn't for Osaka, I would have left you the way you were."

Suddenly everything became so silent.