The Perfect Boy

The Beginning of the End

Who would have thought years of feeling being rejected, shoved aside, spit on the face and renounced by the person who you had considered the most could be atoned by a simple act of admission.

But that was what happened.

I spent many sleepless nights or waking up with dreadful fear and pounding headache after the most terrible nightmares; I spent countless days of belittling myself; I felt loneliness gnawing at my soul day by day, slowly devouring my hope and sanity to its heart's content; I shied away from life and living and spent my days in obscurity just because of that one person whom my soul was attached to. And in just a matter of a blink of the eye, with the revelation of his feeling, I was ready to forgive him and forget all the agozing pain and incalculable suffering I had experienced.

But that was what happened.

The determination of giving Ben what he didn't deserve had all but sucked my energy. If it weren't for Osaka's presence, I didn't think I could survive the ordeal of willingness to give Ben a chance at us. I thought that I had left Ben behind me all this time. But his admission had resurrected the dormant unquenchable want in me.

"Why don't you call him up and ask him to meet with you. You have to put a closure to all of your hideous experience because of him and you can only do that if you meet him face to face."

"I don't know Osaka. I am willing to forgive. But I don't know if I should talk to him any more."

"Well, do you really not want to talk to him?" Osaka asked.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Nno." Not a definite no.

"Come one, Aspy. I know you. I can read you very well. You definitely want to meet with him. And you need to. Believe me. Once you talk to him, you will be released and delivered."

"But, what ifff "

"No what ifffs. Just let it flow and face what is ahead of you. You are entitled to be happy in your life. Your future is awaiting for you to do the right thing. You are at this juncture where you have to decide now that life has given you the chance to be happy. Don't worry about me and my feelings, if that was what was hindering you to talk to him. I can handle my emotion. I just want you to be happy that's all. Seeing you smile, seeing you jump with joy, seeing you having zest and excitement are enough to bring happiness to me as well." And he knew what I was thinking with me explaining to him.

"I will even set up a meeting between you two if I must. I think at you two need to talk face to face just the two of you. How's that?"

It took me a while to make a decision. Finally I agreed but on a condition.

"I will do it, meet with him, but can you please accompany me?

He looked at me strangely.

I didn't want to disclose the reason. I just wanted him to know without telling him. So I held his hands.

I saw the most tender looking eyes staring straight into mine.

"You don't need to worry. I will accompany you as far as you want to. But I will need to withdraw at some point in time." His eyes kept looking glassy now. His words conjured in me other possible thoughts and they were dreadful to be kept lingering in my mind. I embraced him tightly for as long as I could. That was how we spent our nights together until I fell asleep hugging him, in reality and in dream.