Supernatural Stories

Cas ~ I'll hold you

Italics = flashback / memory

I turned around to see Sam, Dean and Cas staring at me. They all had a look of hurt on their face, immediately I knew the hunt didn't go as planned. My family most likely didn't survive. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at them with disbelief, knowing what was coming next.
"Y/n, we couldn't save them-"  I shook my head and backed up, hitting a table. Tears started running down my cheeks. My mom was my bestfriend through everything, I could talk to her about anything and everything and same with her to me. My brother was my second bestfriend, he taught everything that our dad would've. My dad had already passed before I got a chance to know him really.
"No! That's not how it was supposed to go! You said you would save them! That everything would be fine and alright!" I yelled, I didn't want to make them more guilty or sad or whatever they were feeling, I was so angry that it didn't go as planned.

"Y/n-" Dean called out, stepping towards me.
"No! Leave me alone! I don't need any of you! I don't need anyone, I hate all of you!" I yelled once more, seeing the pain on all their faces but not caring in the moment. I started hyperventilating and crying so much it hurt, my head hurt with so much pain, my heart and soul were broke. Everything and everyone I knew since day one of my life is now dead. Gone forever and there's nothing I can do about it.

I was embraced in a warm hug and my head didn't hurt but my heart and soul still did. I shut my eyes tightly and cried, tears have never flowed so fast down my face before.
"Y/n, I'll hold you when things go wrong okay? I'll always be here, you can pray to me anytime you need me. I don't care what I may be doing." Castiel whispered in my ear and his hand ran down my back and my hair. All I could do was nod, I didn't have a voice, it was impaired from my pain.

I wrapped my hands around his torso weakly, my body was so numb and weak. It felt like I was starved, and I was. I was starved of ever seeing my mom or brother again but Castiel's embrace fed me.
He was there for me through anything and everything, just like the Winchesters. But whenever the Winchesters weren't around, Castiel was always there one way or another. Maybe physically or maybe sending me sweet messages to my head when he couldn't be there with me.

I was freaking out. I was panicking. I was going crazy. Everything had suddenly got to me, everything that I've gone through with the Winchesters and Cas, just in my life. Everyone and everything I lost along the way. I disappeared from them, from everything, leaving a note at the bunker saying not to find me and that I didn't want to be found.

I found a motel in another state, in Maine. It was so beautiful here. I've been staying here for at least a month, the maids or clerk never complaining as I was still paying and not breaking anything. But I didn't need anyone, I didn't want anyone. I told myself but really I needed someone a lot. My depression and anxiety got a lot worse ever since that day, I never smiled or had fun the way I used to.

My jaw clenched as thoughts ran through my head. I wanted it all to stop. To go away from me and never come back. I screamed and punched the wall, my whole body shaking.
"Why wont you go away?!" I yelled at myself, but at my depression and anxiety. It was too much for my body. I started starving myself, starting to hate my body and everything.

I felt wind behind me, not thinking anything of it until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jumped and turned around, walking backwards from the figure.
Castiel was in front me. I've never been happier to see him, I looked at him and cried more. I found myself wrapping my arms around him just like that day but I was stronger this time. He wrapped his arms around me too, I could feel his hurt seeing me destroy myself.

"You're okay Y/n, everything's gonna be alright." He said.
"I don't know if it will be though" I really didn't believe I was gonna be happy again although Castiel made me happy but I mean I felt happy but I didn't.
"Trust me babygirl, I promise." His fingers found their way under my chin and tilted my head up to look him in his blue eyes. My vision blurred from the tears.

"Why'd you leave?" He asked quietly, dragging me to lay down with him on the bed. He always knew me better than myself, probably because he could get into my head.
"Why'd you find me?" I questioned back, looking up at him as my head was on his chest and his right arm holding my back while looking down at me.
"Because I know you and I missed you. I didn't want you to be alone." Castiel stated, combing his fingers through my hair, relaxing and calming me more.

"I left because I didn't know what to do or how to handle it. All I could think of was running off so I did. How'd you find me? I didn't pray to you." I messed with the buttons to his white shirt, not undoing them but just turning or pulling on them occasionally.
"I can sense you wherever you go babygirl." It went silent for maybe ten minutes, it was very peaceful silence. The silence that I missed, stopping my thoughts.

"Cas?" I said quietly.
"Yes Y/n?"
"I love you." I told him, I felt him tense for a few seconds but relaxing again.
"I love you as well babygirl. I have for a long time now." His fingers coursing through my hair was slowly making me fall asleep.
"Really?" I yawned.
"Yes. I've loved you ever since I saw you. You were so beautiful it made me stop in my tracks and it seemed like it blinded me but I kept staring. Dean had to pull my arm to get me walking again. You're still very beautiful." I smiled at the memory of meeting them for the first time. It was very hilarious actually.

"Cas stop staring at her! She's gonna think you're a creep!" A voice said, from behind and to the side of me. I didn't turn around to see what else the three voices were gonna say.
"Sammy's right Cas, even I don't stare for that long." Another voice said, I knew who was the one staring at me. His name was Cas.
"I cannot help it. She's very impeccably beautiful."
"You know boys, staring isn't polite!" I said, walking towards their table.
"When you're a piece of art it is." The dark haired one smiled at me and I smiled back, amused at his line. Dean and Sam looked surprised at the comeback, neither of them had taught him.

"Castiel?"
"Hm?"
"Thank you, you can go now if you'd like or need to."
"You're welcome but I like it here." He sighed. I soon fell asleep, my head still rested on his warm chest and him still running fingers through my hair.
"I'll hold you when things go wrong."