All is Fair: Zayn Malik Fanfiction

Chapter 38

It's morning again, and I'm in my flat with Charlotte. Well, it's more or less morning- it's around 1 pm. I was up very late last night, watching hours of Orange is the New Black. Sleeping in felt right.

I hardly want to wake up, in fact, I wish I didn't. This isn't one of those nice wake ups. My neck hurts, so does my shoulder, from propping myself up to watch TV on my iPad all night. My eyes are still heavy.

Harry still floods my mind. When I was watching the show last night, all I could think about was him. Even things characters were saying reminded me of him. It's all very hard, because I don't know how to deal with this. We've never fought as horribly as this before, which is why I keep thinking this could be traumatic.

I don't want to think about it. I pick up my phone that is lying on the side of the bed and turn it on.

That screen that says it has no battery comes on. I groan and put it on my charger and decide to take a shower while I wait. I grab a towel, but first go into the kitchen to get some food.

Charlotte is in the kitchen. "Hey," I say to her.

She looks me up and down, probably because I look pathetic. "Hi."

I walk to get some frozen waffles from our freezer and I put them in the toaster. "How are you?" she asks me softly.

"Tired," I respond, and she laughs at me.

"No shit."

I smile. She knows everything about Harry and I. I told her yesterday about everything, starting with the beginning of the holiday until yesterday morning. She sympathized with me, which was great. No one has done that except for her, and it is nice to know she is there for me. After I cried to her for a few hours, she took me to breakfast and then the movies. We got lunch afterwards before shopping for a bit. We came home and ate junk for dinner and she introduced me to Orange is the New Black. And that's all I spent my time watching for the rest of the night.

My waffles pop up and I take them out and spread Nutella on them. Nutella is a cure-all, I'm convinced.

I eat them quickly because I am dying for a nice hot shower. I scarf the second waffle down as I am walking into the bathroom with my towel.

I do the shower things: turn the water on, strip and wait. I do look like a mess. Hair tangled because I never put it up last night. My face is oily and traces of leftover makeup still discolor me. It's an awful state, but I don't like to worry about it too much.

I step in the shower when I see it start to steam.

It's hot, which is relaxing. It wakes me up. Standing in the shower, all I do is think about Harry.

I wonder what Harry did after we fought. I wonder if he was angry all day or if he got over it in minutes. I can imagine him drinking again. He probably got drunk again. I shudder. I need to talk to him and finish this. Either way- breaking up, or getting back together- I need closure. I'm sure he feels the same.

I wonder if he wants to break up. Maybe he felt what I felt yesterday- that we were like complete strangers. I wonder if he loves me anymore.

Thinking like this makes me nervous to talk to him.

It takes me half an hour to get out of the shower. By the time I am done, hardly anything has changed for me emotionally. I'm still confused and I'm still hurting. I walk out of the bathroom with my towel wrapped around my body knowing one thing for certain- I need to talk to Harry. Charlotte is sitting at the kitchen table, and I tell her my thoughts.

She looks up and gives me a terrified look. "I'll pray for you."

I laugh. "Thanks."

I drift into my room and lay on my bed. My hair is wrapped in a towel and my body in another. I try to air dry as much as I can before I put clothes on. I know I'm not accomplishing anything by putting off my phone call to Harry, but the nervousness in my stomach doesn't subside.