Joxel's Slut (1)

Sixteen

     After her outburst, Braden couldn't help but feel bad and think of it as a huge mistake.

     Braden started to believe she was a mistake, but of course she pushed that feeling away.

     Like any other human being, she was capable of being hurt inside and out, and mostly everyone goes through that phase where they just want to die. Braden felt as if she's been in that phase for years, but she never did pay attention to it.

     Braden has had thoughts that every human being has had, thoughts of taking their own life, Braden has had about of a thousand of them.

    But she has never done it, she's gone close to it, but she always backed down.

     She didn't want to be like her step mother, her mom. She didn't want to be like her, she didn't want to give up after everything. She also didn't want to be like her father, she wanted to be like them when she was young and they were fine, but not anymore, she doesn't want to end up like they did, she doesn't want to give up.

     Braden still believes that after everything, there's going to be a time where she is finally going to be happy.

     She just doesn't know when that's going to happen or how long until it does.

     Braden just has to keep her head up high for a little while more.

     It's not easy, but she's going to have to get used to it.

     When it comes to having those thoughts, Braden sometimes just want to fall to the ground and cry, she loses the small amount of will she has left. Braden has seen other girls just do it, just hurt themselves to make themselves feel better.

     She really doesn't understand how it makes them feel better, it makes them a step closer to their death.

     But maybe that's what they want, and that's what makes them feel better.

     They just want to die.

     The bell rang, signaling that her first class was over, she didn't know how or when she was going to make up for it. Braden headed to the restroom.

     She went to one where she usually doesn't go to, it's because the lighting is bad and it just has this feeling and look as if something bad is about to happen. Braden went there because no girl ever goes in there. They are freaked out by it.

     Braden went up to the dirty mirror and leaned in close to get a good look.

     Braden wasn't a rock, she was bound to break again one day.

     That day was today.

     She hates this feeling, the feeling of deppression and the weight of the world on her shoulders, she hated the feeling of wanting die. She hated it because she was given the gift of life, she didn't have any mental problems, there was nothing wrong for her to hater herself this much.

     Oh, but there was so much wrong with her on the inside.

     On the inside, she was a broken piece for glass, but everybody is so scared to just pick up the pieces.

     Even herself.

     A sob escaped her lips as the bell rang, she wasn't going to go to class any time soon. She wasn't expecting this to happen, she was expecting to successfully push everything to the side.

     But she didn't.

     Braden glabbed a hold of the counter for support and tried to stay up. She kept crying as she looked at herself in the mirror.

     She hated the way the looked, but not on the outside, in the inside.

     Braden was the only one capable of seeing herself deeper than anyone else could, but she wish she wasn't able to. Because she just hated being broken and putting up a facade that made her seem strong.

     She didn't know for who she did it for.

     "I hate this." She whispered, but it had came out in a sobbed wrecked voice. "I fucking hate this."

     She yelled out and sobbed louder. It felt as if someone was just pushing down everything on her shoulders. She tried to keep a hold on the counter, but she just forgot all about it.

     She let go.

     Braden fell to the ground and felt as if someone had pushed her down. She pulled her legs to her chest and dug her head there.

     Braden began to rock herself. "Shut up, Braden. Shut up, shut up!" She began to feel crazy, but all wanted was to not cry.

     She got up angered and her hands went up to pull on her hair lightly. She didn't know why she was so upset and angered.

     Was it because of her father? Because he left her for being selfish and feeling like he was alone in the world, when she was right there? Because then she was the one who was left feeling like she was alone in the world?

     Or was it because of her mom? Because after holding on so long, she just let go? Leaving it as if it was all for nothing? Because now it was Braden who had nothing to hold on to?

     Braden held on to the content once again, gripping it tightly, her buckles turned white.

     She shook her head and scrunched up her nose as she looked at herself in the mirror.

     She hated the fact that, that, wasn't the face she knew a few years ago.

     Braden let out a sound that sounded like a growl and a sob combined.

     In one swift move, she raised her fist, and broke the mirror.

*

Thoughts?