What Was Ours

1f. A guardian

"Jungkook-hyung!" He laughed as I continued to tickle him.

"What do you have to say, now?" I laughed. I'm almost out breath but not due to the lack of exercise but by the continued way his beauty doesn't cease to shock me. Even with the crinkles around his eyes and weird laugh, he's beautiful.

"No!" He screams like a child before I tickle him some more. "Okay! Okay! I give up!" He cried in defeat. He tried to catch his breath, when I ceased my tickling.

"It wasn't hard was it?" He shook his head no. Quickly, he adjusted himself back in bed. A small bed which barely gave us any room for movement. It's not like I minded because I loved to touch him.

We were in his small studio apartment. He didn't want to accept moving out and all I had proposed. I learned that he could be hardheaded and passionate. He did, however, let me replenish his refrigerator with the excuse that I would be here and he had to feed me. It was more for him than me. At most, I showed up here three times a week, the rest of the week I was at home. My efforts to keep his fridge stocked up proved successful. Slowly but surely, he was gaining some weight, his cheeks were becoming rosy and chubby.

He was going to become the epitome of beauty. Then what would become of me? He already had me begging for more. Where would I be when I fell at his feet?

"Hyung? Cuddle me," he protested. He pouted which made his plump lips appear ready to be devoured by my lips. He didn't need to do such things to have me ready to do what he asks of me.

I cuddled him before I was awakened sexually. My lust appears to be insatiable but I had to affirm that I wasn't only here for my needs but his too. He liked to feel taken care of, to feel loved, and all that romantic things I lacked to do recently. It was hard but I excused myself for the lack of a proper relationship.

It was partially true because my marriage was becoming routine. I wasn't romantic like I was when I first met her. I only brought her flowers, and took her out when it was our anniversary. Events were sort of mandatory to go together but she came if she wanted to.

"Hyung are you okay?" He turned to put his hand on my forehead. I smiled and took his hand to place a kiss on it. He always showed interest in me. It was heartwarming. I hadn't felt needed in so long.

"I'm okay, I was just thinking. My realtor is having a hard time looking for a good place. I guess, I'm very demanding in what I want," I laughed. Once again, I was bringing up the topic.

"I don't get why you're looking for a place. You either stay in your office or go home or stay here." He hugged me tighter. "You can always stay with me. I know it's a small place but it's enough," he mumbled against my chest.

"Jin? You know how I feel. We've been together for a month now. I'm having a hard time going back and forth. It's kind of a long drive from my office. I'm not complaining but that time adds up. I have to find a medium here. I'm asking you to think about it again." My fingers raked his soft hair. The way it felt between my fingers was indescribable.

"I told you I don't want to move fast. If it doesn't work out, then I'm out. I'll be without a home or job. I like you but I have to think about this too. It concerns me. I can't say that I'll go there because you know I don't have the means to." He continued to explain himself. I was listening carefully. I knew, he wasn't trying to guilt me into giving him money but boy did I feel like I had to.

"Okay, I get it." I kissed him, once he finished. And I did get where he was coming from but I was selfish. All this traveling was accumulating, working against me. The fatigue was starting to show signs in my body. I'm not sure how long it'll be before I'm unrecognizable?

My mind was brought back into this beautiful world, next to my lover. He had sweet gestures which soothed me. I caressed him too. It was only right to show my appreciation for the attention I got. It was always welcome. He in return only asked for very little. We cuddled until we fell asleep that night.

The following morning was like most of our mornings together. He woke up early to make us breakfast. He woke me up before he finished making it so I could shower and get ready for work. I had three suits which were always kept in his closet. I didn't want to bring any more because I was still working on getting him to move out. I was, also, nervous about getting caught.

"Hyung, your coffee is ready." He put it in a mug just the way I liked it—no cream and two sugars.

I sat down and proceeded to eat what he served me. The cup of coffee was always good. It was better than any coffee shop I ever been to. When I asked him why it was so good and fragrant, he said, "It's a secret". He giggled and I'm not sure what the secret was but it was fun for him.

"I'm making your lunch. I woke up extra early today, hyung. I hope you love it." He finished putting it in its containers. The bento box was carefully wrapped. It seemed so intricate. I was going to say that I could get something at work but his smile was enough for me to keep quiet. I would eat this lunch in the privacy of my office.

"Thank you," I kissed his forehead. "You always work so hard. Don't overwork yourself." I kissed him again but this time on the lips.

"Hyung! Sorry," he apologized for screaming. "Um, I did what you asked. My school has accepted you as my emergency contact and legal guardian. The papers you gave me were all in order. Thank you," he thanked me the only way someone like him would. He did it with respect and the way our ancestors taught us.

I stood up before him knowing I didn't deserve this gesture. I pulled him and gave him a hug.

"I told you, I'll take care of you. Now, don't thank me for it." I didn't want to let go because guilt was starting to build up.

He was too good for me.

I needed to take care of him. This world was cruel and he didn't know how cruel it could be. I was here in front of him, lying, deceiving him. He was blind to my true self, my intentions, my deepest desires. Is it always like this? Did I do the right thing?

Doing the right thing is hard. Specially, if you want to do the wrong things, so badly because it feels so right. I wasn't going to let go of him easily. I had to become his guardian. I would take care of him from everything and everyone else because I wouldn't save him from myself.

My sweet angel needed a guardian. I would become his guardian. No one deserved to have my angel. He's too good for this world. Too good. Too innocent.

June 14, 2018