What Was Ours

3F. Supportive

"Jinnie?" I heard Jimin–hyung whisper. It was already late and I was too tired to have a full–length conversation. Regardless of how I was feeling, I acknowledged him.

"Yes?" I manage to say. I'm not quite sure, if he understood me.

"I know you didn't ask for my support and you've got your family but I'm going to help you. You've got my full support. I want to help you through this. I won't change my mind about marrying you, we can get married." The last sentence he says determinedly. That can't be right, the impact of his words stir me awake.

I sit up on bed and look down on the floor where he's laying down on the makeshift bed. He sits up to look at me too. Jimin–hyung is fully aware of the weight of his words. He's determined to do right but it's not him who should. He doesn't need to save me. I just needed their support throughout this pregnancy.

"Hyung, you don't have to. I'll be fine. I'm thankful that I can get your support but I can't marry you. You deserve someone who's gonna have time for you and love you unconditionally. I love you as my hyung." All I want to say is that I don't want pity, I'd be okay. Marriage wasn't in my mind. I'm not sure it will ever be after what I went through. My trust was put in only a handful of people and one of them deceived me, my parents are struggling—how could I ever be sure of marriage? Or anything?

"I know and this is a small town. People will talk, Jinnie. It's not a perfect solution but I can take the child as my own. Unless, the boy that brought you here is the appa, then you can forget what I said. Eomma said the boy looked alright. I'm not sure what that means but if he's got her approval, it must mean something."

"What?! No." I caught myself. It's too late to make a big fuss. I contain myself before speaking again. "Hyungie is not the papa. He's someone I just met on my way—wait! How do you even know about him? You guys were talking behind my back." I get upset because they were probably talking about it, when I went to freshen up before continuing my story. Jimin hadn't been a part of it because he had chores to do before it got too late.

"Your parents might have mentioned it but I'm sure they know everything. They worry too much about you but it's natural. I'm the only one in the dark here. I thought, you'd feel better knowing that I'll be supportive a hundred and ten percent, no matter what or how it happened." He kneels at the edge of the bed to hold my hand.

It's touching that he'd go to great lengths to protect me and my child but I couldn't let him marry me. Whether I was married or not I knew he'd have my back. I couldn't tie him down just to avoid talk and have someone to take care of us. It was hard for me to accept when he was my childhood friend and I cared deeply about him. He was in the dark and didn't know my whole story and he's only trying to do what's right. Yes, things may be easier with him, if I was married but it never guaranteed anything. And the most important reason to reject his offer was the lack of love. We loved each other but we weren't in love.

"I'm going to tell you what happened, hyung. Hopefully, you'll understand why I can't accept your kind offer." I sigh and prepare myself to tell my story for the second time.

This time around I'm less detailed but say the important details which highlighted my ups and downs with Mister Jeon. Jimin sits beside me on the bed while he listens to me. He asks questions which I'm hesitant to answer but I do anyways. And I explain that Hyungie is nothing but a stranger which became my friend in my journey home. It starts a conversation between us; I mostly talk about my hopes, dreams, and my disappointments that have come throughout this chapter in my life. And it feels good to have my unconditional friend listening to me vent my chest.

"We're going to town. Want to come?" I nod since there's not much for me to do at home. I had already finished my chores which were limited by the family. They did all the hard work while I was left with the simple things. It wasn't bad but I was mostly bored with nothing to do.

We took the truck to town. The summer air was thick and hot but the sunlight felt nice against my skin. I closed my eyes as I let the sunshine hit my face. The conversation that my parents had seemed typical of when they made their trip to town. It brought me back to the time when I was much smaller and I was allowed to come if I had been good and finished all my chores. I'd play in the backseat of this truck and dream of being an astronaut or a doctor. It might be a dream which is meant to stay that way but I want to make it a reality. I'd find my way to get there and finish what I started. I still dream of becoming a doctor. One day, I may be able to achieve it but for now it's on hold. It's not a failed dream just yet.

I begin to wonder, if Hyungie is doing well in his new home. Did he find his way? Will I by some miracle see him again? I'm not sure, if we ever would cross paths but I hoped it be okay to approach him. It was hard to say but I hoped he would at least acknowledge my presence.

"We're here. I know you probably want to roam around but do you want to come with us?" Eomma wants to baby me but she knows me best. I shake my head. I want to explore on my own.

"We'll probably take around two hours perhaps more. You remember where you're eomma and I go?" I nod my head and he smiles. "Good boy. So let's meet up here so we can go eat in your favorite restaurant." I nod again smiling. I know it took papa some time to come to terms that, that "son-of-a-bitch" had done me wrong and that I'd be okay.

"Good! Let's get going. I love you." Eomma kisses my forehead. Papa just smiled and pats my shoulder before they leave.

I look around unsure of where to start. I had some pocket money which I had brought to buy some yarn and things for the baby. In this trip, I hoped to find a job and possibly something for the baby. I decided that most of the money would be invested in the farm in hopes to earn some profit. I'd talk about later with uncle. He would be the one who'd help me with this. He'll be honest if it's a great risk to invest on our farm. I had to worry about possibly losing my childhood home. I needed to make money to pay for the doctor's appointments, things I needed for the baby, and all the things that come along with it.

I looked around in all the shops for something that caught my eye, I stopped at places that looked for help. There was almost no corner left untouched. It took most of my energy but it had been worth it. At the end, I had come out somewhat victorious: I found a job which I could start tomorrow and I found some beautiful yarn to try and replicate what noona had taught me. It would be hard but I was feeling optimistic today and I have it my mind to succeed. It's been a long day, I look at my watch. I run to the car as I realize I'm late. Luckily this town is small enough for me to remember my way around. Not much has changed here. I notice my parents in the distance, they seem to be with someone. I slow down my pace so I don't seem rushed or out of breath.

"Oh! Good Jinnie. You're here, this young man has been looking for you." My papa said studying the man and I. The man turns around and it's none other than Hyungie. My heart stops. I hadn't expected to meet him so suddenly.

"Hey," he smiles shyly. "Sorry to bother you but can I talk to you?" He asks. He takes a look back at my parents and I know he means privately. I nod. He leads the way to a safe distance where we won't be heard.

"Look I realized that I have no clue which farm belongs to my grandparents. I'd thought I'd be able to remember or find out by asking around hasn't helped. There's too many Kim's around here. What I'm trying to say is—is there any way you could possibly let me stay over at your place? I'm running out of money and I'm not acquainted with the area. Could you please help me?" He came to me for help? The answer was yes and it felt good.

"Hmm, it's not my home but I can vouch for you to stay with us. I'm sure my parents won't mind and they might be able to help you. We're actually going to have lunch," I pause unsure if to ask the next question. "Do you want to come?" I blush while he smiles. He's got a beautiful out of the ordinary smile.

"Thanks!" He pulls me into a hug and I know I'm red all over my face, neck, and ears. I hug back and we go back to my parents. This time there's no holding hands but I can feel his shoulder brushing against mine. I guess, we were destined to meet again, after all. I'd help him find his way.

January 21, 2019