His silence was louder than words. I was bursting out in tears. I was trying to hold back the sobs that were forming. There it was stuck in my throat without a way out. I was going to choke in my tears. I didn't want to be seen like this. This was a...
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"Kim TaeHyung," I whisper as I caress his face. I let myself cry due to the overwhelming sense that swells my heart with pride. I never experienced a feeling to this extreme. In fact, the feeling reminds me of the time I had Jisoo in my arms for the first time. Today, it was having my family around me causing that emotion, which included our newest member. An addition to the Kim family was in my arms.
"You seem to cry a lot lately." My husband dries my tears. There have been so many ups and downs, this week. I'm blessed that my baby is alive and well, my babies are with me, and Hyungie too. Even though this affects him deeply, he remains by our side. "It's still weird that we ended up naming our son after me." He changes the subject. "We had a list full of names and you end up choosing mine."
"No," I shake my head. "He was always meant to be Taehyung just look at him. Tae looks just like you. Hyungie, you can't deny that he's your spitting image," I whisper. My son was falling asleep in my arms. I continued to caress his face. I looked to Hyungie who had Jisoo. She was asleep in his arms. My Jisoo never ceases to amaze me. She had gotten out of bed to make sure her brother was okay and cared for. There was so much adoration and love between the two and without a doubt proving she was a great sister. If I could, I would capture these moments and engrave them in my heart forever.
This is what I longed for almost all my life— a loving family. We're together in this home which feels like our safe haven from all life's problems. I know happiness may come and go but they are a source of happiness, comfort, love, and so much more to me. They're my world. Right now, I'm happy that we're together despite the opposition and negativity.
"I guess, he does look like me." He sighed as he caresses his head. There was more he wanted to say, he paused before continuing. "You and Jisoo can grow up to become whatever you please. I'll be your biggest supporter. I'll always be by your side and I'll love you no matter what. Both of you will have a better life than us. I'll make sure you do." I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. He was still hurting. These wishes are close to his heart and I'd work hard too to make their lives happy.
All I wanted was to reassure him that everything would be alright but I couldn't say it with certainty. Emotions were complicated and I knew it would be a while before he got over the heartbreak. His heart was aching for those people who he knew his whole life, he grew up with them, loved them, and now they were gone from his life. In the end, all his hard work to please his father had been thrown away by that very man. He disowned Hyungie for loving the man who ruined his daughter's marriage, for loving me. I feel guilty for being the reason he cut ties with his family. Yet, I'm grateful he chose his love for us rather than being stuck in a life he would be unhappy with. I know, it's a selfish thought but he's better with us. Isn't he?
Hyungie could be the carefree man that he can be, be the man I came to know years ago. He doesn't have to act like he has everything in his life together because I'm here to help carry the weight on his shoulders. We're a team. I know, we're going to get through it, together. Hyungie may have lost his family but we had mine and a few good friends. I'm sure that's all we'll ever need. It may be small in number but we can always count on them. These are the people who care for us wholeheartedly. They would be with us through it all. This whole situation has me thinking a lot about them lately. I feel like it would do Hyungie some good being with them. After all, they would try to lift his spirits and remind him that he's not alone. I have tried to express it so many times but words fail me. Also, it hasn't been easy with Taehyung's birth coming earlier than expected. It was only a week ago but I had been scared.
I'm still scared because I didn't really know what his father was capable of. He sounded so angry the day everything came to light. He said so many horrible things that stuck to me. After the truth came out, it's as if all hell broke loose. The family they said they were was nothing but a mirage. Mister Choi gave Hyungie an ultimatum the Choi family or us. Upon hearing those words Hyungie didn't hesitate to choose the family he built, us. To hear him be so confident in his decision was a relief. As a result, there was more yelling, threats, and the hurt that came with those painful words. Words that weren't only directed towards me but my family too. It was a roller coaster of emotions.
In the end, Hyungie didn't raise his voice to his father, he only asked that he refrain his words. His father didn't. We left that house. Hyungie loves his father despite all they've been through. I don't think that will ever change. That's partly why he's hurting. Not only did he lose his father but his sister too that day. She couldn't forgive him for not saying anything. He lost them both. I'm not sure what will happen with his other sister but I'm sure she'll have to choose sides. That day has so much pain but there was also a sliver of hope. It's the day Taehyungie was born. One could say, he is that light of hope.
"You've got me. You've got us," I encourage him. "Remember that no matter how little we may feel, right now, we still have people who love us and care for us." He nodded and smiled. That was the end of our conversation that night.
"I've been thinking a lot and maybe it's time to go back to the countryside. Go back with your family, and my grandfather is there— we have everything there and we've got little to nothing holding us here."
It had been almost a year since everything. Life has steadily gained some normalcy again. I had to learn not to be apologetic towards him, it was something that bothered him. "It was a long time coming," he told me one night. It was a conversation that we both needed to have. Because despite trying to put that all behind I carried on with guilt for separating him from his family. That conversation helped me see his reality. I didn't blame myself anymore or I tried not to, at first. Eventually, we both became at ease with each other. We could be the people we were before this. That's why his words took me by surprise.
"Is that what you want?" I asked. I wondered if it was something he truly wanted. He seemed much more at ease here. Like he was in his element here in the city.
"I wouldn't be saying it, if it wasn't something I wanted. I actually thought about it since that night but I had hope. I think, I always will but I can't wait on them forever. My father is not someone to forgive so easily and my sister is the same. Lately, I can't help but compare our life here to that in the farm. I know, it wasn't my home for long, but I was happy despite the hard work we had yet I'd say we were happier. Plus, my grandfather said he'd give me a job as administrator and he wants me to take over eventually. We talked about it over the phone. He's a strong old man but he's getting older. I mean, there's so many reasons to leave rather than staying." It's then I understood. He didn't need to say it all because I knew too. In the end, he had very little to truly call his own here. Back home he had the man who showed him genuine affection. He wanted to be with the man he cherished. The man who was a true father to him.
"Let's go back home." I smile because I know this is what he needs. It's what we all do. Get away from the negativity and make room for love.
"It's time to go back home." I couldn't agree more. We could start all over again, go back to the place that saw our love grow, the place where Jisoo was born, and the perfect place to raise our two children. Home is where the heart is and they'll always be pieces of my heart— my home.
January 15, 2020 So, it's a long epilogue and you may have some questions still but hopefully they'll be answered in the second part. I divided it in two because I didn't want to overwhelm anyone by it's length. I'm currently still working on "fixing" JK's side of the story. Which should be out in the next few days.
For those who read my one-shots/short stories I was wondering which ones you'd love to see be a full story. You can leave a comment here if you have a preference/opinion.
