What Was Ours

3B. Destiny

"Hyung-ssi give your seat to the lady," I whispered to him. I tried to persuade him. He looked at me and then at the lady. He was taking too long to make a decision. I rolled my eyes and stood up giving the lady my seat. The lady had been standing up for no more than five minutes but no one had offered to give up their seat for her. I took pity on the lady because I assume that'll be me in a few months. Just when would I start showing? She looked big—ready to give birth to her child.

"Thank you," she whispered. I saw how she carefully set herself down on the seat. Mister Kim looked at me again. I decided to look forward. I could clearly see a man in a suit in the bus. They were still hoping to catch Mister Kim. I assume they knew where he was planning to go. He might not have many places to run to. It wasn't my problem if he got caught.

However, I wasn't going to turn him in. He hadn't turned me in. It was the least I could do in return. He shouldn't expect any more from me. There was still doubts in my mind about him. There wasn't a mere moment for us to talk. So, I just had to assume I was helping a poor rich kid run away from his demanding, overbearing parents. That's the only logical and safe story in my head. Nothing like my other theories—like he's a murder on the loose.

It had been about half hour when I was ready to sit down again. But I couldn't ask the very pregnant lady to give me my seat back. Even though we're in the same state because I could bear it. Nor could I ask the rich kid to cut me some slack. He probably wasn't use to such incommodities. I started to shift my weight around hoping to shake off the feeling. The feeling of fatigue which was creeping in. I looked around again trying to find some distraction.

I saw the woman caress her belly. She had a soft almost knowing smile. I couldn't help but wonder if she felt her child as she gently moved her hand around a certain spot. A simple action which made me think of my own child. Would I be able to feel my child, now? I touched my own belly wanting to know the feeling. Nothing. I felt nothing but it provided me with comfort. Comfort knowing my child was growing inside of me. It made me feel closer to my child. I smiled like the lady had done. I wanted to thank her for bringing me closer to my unborn child, and reminding me I was no longer alone.

It was a beautiful thing, the way she enjoyed her pregnancy. I wished the same for myself. I wanted to have that happiness—the kind that only your child gave you. Her appearance wasn't extraordinary but it wasn't disheveled. Did parenthood look like such? Would I be an approachable father for my child? I wanted to believe I would just like the woman before me. The smile that appeared on her soft but tired face looked angelic. Or maybe I had found a new sense of appreciation for these creatures who give life.

"Want to touch?" She asked me.

Had I looked too eager? Had she noticed my desire to one day feel the same way? I nodded. My hand slowly went to her belly. I was afraid to touch and break into their happy bubble. She put her hand over mine and guided me to feel her child. She widened her smile, as I touched her swollen belly. It was weird but comforting. Her eyes created a crinkles around them and sparked with glee. She looked radiantly beautiful. Mother's and father's were amazing beings—the best thing in this world. How I missed my own eomma.

"You feel her kicking?" She asked.

"Yes." I was mesmerized by it all. One day I would feel my little one doing the same to me. I would smile like she does because I'd know my baby was there with me.

"Are you pregnant?" She looked at me. Then, she looked at Mister Kim who had turned around to see us. She probably assumed that I was with him. Maybe everyone in this bus had after he held my hand. Mister Kim awaited for my answer. He looked curious to hear my response. How could I answer when he stared intently at me?

I couldn't look at him. I looked at the lady and nodded. Dare I say it out loud? Not today. The last time I had said I was pregnant was bitter in my memory. I was afraid I'd choke on my own sobs. Remembering how I had no support from the man who helped father my child. I was alone. Was she as alone as I was?

"It's going to be okay." She held my hand. I mustered up a smile and have her a gentle squeeze. "I'm sure your husband and you will find a way."

I wanted to deny her words. He was no husband of mine. Couldn't she tell that he would never marry someone like me? We were from two different worlds. Even more, he was a stranger to me.

"Can you let me get up?" Mister Kim asked the lady. "My husband needs to sit down."

I was shocked by his words and was about to refuse him but the lady had already gone through the trouble of standing up to let Mister Kim out. I smiled at her and then at Mister Kim who gently pushed me in towards the window seat. I sat down and tried to help the lady sit down by giving her my hand.

"Thank you," the lady said to Mister Kim. He nodded in acknowledgment. "How far along are you?" She turned to ask.

"I don't know...I just found out." How far along was I? The doctor wasn't too sure about the timing. I'd been too preoccupied to go back for a visit. When I get home, I had to see a doctor. I needed to know these important things about pregnancy.

"I'm guessing, your husband didn't know. He looks surprised by the news. It should wear off. It always happens to first time fathers." She looked at both of us smiling. "Everything's going to be alright. You've got your whole life ahead of you. You're both young and you'll get by fine." Her words of encouragement brought me to tears. If she only knew, he wasn't the father, that the real father was hours away refuting us.

"Is he okay?" I heard her ask. She was probably asking Mister Kim. I could feel gentle hands on my back and shoulders. A relaxing and welcoming gesture.

"Yeah, it's just we haven't told his parents we eloped and adding the pregnancy...it's too much. We're actually going to visit his family." Such a  believable story. His voice of concern gave him credibility.

It hadn't been easy for me to get to a good place. All my emotions which I had tried to get a hold of hit me. I had tried to be strong, firm in my decision to leave. It was hard when I questioned the morality, the justice in my decision. I may never really receive my answer but today I feel it's the right thing to do. End the toxic relationship we had. In order for that to happen, I had to leave.

Once I got a hold of myself, the rest of the ride had been tranquil. The lady, whose name was Yoona, had given me some tips on how to get through the pregnancy, and marriage. She had been kind enough to show me a bit of crocheting. It was hard and I highly doubt I'll pick up the habit. My fingers were far too clumsy for such a task. I had enjoyed her excitement when telling me of the cute things she's made for her daughter and things she's yet to begin. I enjoyed my time with her. Enjoyed the advice she gave and enthusiasm she had for "my husband" and I. It was upsetting when the journey came to an end.

We, finally, arrived to our destination. We said our goodbyes. There was no exchange of phone numbers. This was a simple acquaintance that life destined to happen. As for Mister Kim, he continued to play his part of devoted husband. We played the part because the man in the suit could be watching, waiting for Mister Kim to slip. He was too good at this. He helped me carry my luggage, took my hand leading me away to the station building, pretended to love me. There was no love for me. I knew that the man in the suit was still looking for him. That was the only reason Mister Kim looked at me from time to time. It's okay because soon I'll have real love from my family and friends. I'd be okay.

January 10, 2019
For those who wanted to be in the group chat please message me you WhatsApp number privately. I'll create it when I get the time. There we can discuss the story, I can answer your questions, and possibly give teasers 😌

Also, I started to post this on ao3