What Was Ours

3N. Silver lining

It's only midday and I have no ounce of energy left in me. Already I'm worn out and the hot weather isn't helping. The hot summer sun is out and it's not forgiving. I'm sweating and I can't seem to shake away the fatigue. The hardest part is having a two year with never ending energy and I'm not sure I can keep up. Half of the time it feels like I'm the only one getting tired. She takes away most of my energy and I can't seem to ever keep up. I'm a young man in my early twenties but it feels like I'm much older with my energy level.

I hear her giggles resonate by the garden. I should've known she'd be there by now. Since, the first time she laid eyes on the flowers, they've been a favorite past time. She loves being in the garden and I hate it because I'm afraid she'll get stung by a bee. I worry too much, Jimin says. It's only because I have only one Jisoo in this lifetime or in any other life. That's why I spend my free time with her but right now I need a break. I still have things to do but she still has so much energy.

I walk over to her but stop when I see the artistic beauty of it. It's in the way she touches the flowers that surround her, the way the sunlight reflects on her black hair, her innocence—it's beautiful, she's beautiful. I need to take the picture. Already, I have so many of her but there will never be a moment I won't want to capture. She's my little girl.

I manage to take the picture despite the heavy sunlight. As they say, it comes out picture perfect. I'm glad I got this cell phone which has a better camera quality than the old one. I kneel before her and see how she studies the flower in her chubby hands. She's almost scared to ruin it. She's always had an eye for the "pretty" things or "pwelie" as she pronounces it.

"Jisoo, it's time to go inside. Papa has so much to do like cook you some lunch." I hold her in my arms which makes her smile. The words she hears aren't what she likes to hear.

Jisoo is my small troublemaker. I can tell it's going to be a job to bring her inside. She'll give me her best pouts to prolong our time outside. It's time like these that I hate Jiminie for showing her (pouts, puppy faces) because I can't resist. Most of the time I cave in and I don't want to be that parent who bends to her every whim.

"No, play!" She says with a little pout upon her lips. It's simple but too adorable. Almost melting all the resilience I have.

I remind myself that I'm her parent and I need to be the one setting the rules. I can't have her growing up to be a spoiled brat. She's bratty enough already because she's my one and only. As a first time parent I've made mistakes but I'm learning. I should reinforce what I've said. I'm about to say something when I see Jimin.

"Giving your papa trouble?" Jimin steps in.

"No. Good gurl." She's quick to deny it. She's cute and adorable like Jiminie was as a kid. I roll my eyes and shake my head. I sigh.

"Go with Jiminie. He's probably here to play with you." I lightly tap her bottom. She runs over to him and hugs him. He carries her like she's not a heavy little bundle of joy.

Jimin always makes time in the day to come spend time with her, with us. It's something that I never asked of him but found to be helpful and good for Jisoo. It gave us both stability as we transitioned into our day to day lives. He's one of the people Jisoo loves the most. Jimin is like an added parent for her besides my own parents. They get along so well. I never said to Jimin but he probably knows that she sees him like another father. I can't deny that we look like a family unit but that's far from it. I'm the one who has to raise her in the end of the day.

There are days when it's a bit discouraging because she calls for him instead of me. He helps me raise her, everyone in the house put their efforts to do things right to help raise Jisoo. I can't ask him or anyone to stop because they're not doing anything wrong and I'm thankful for their help. I'm a single parent who has to work, come home, and look after my child, cook, clean, see that we are up to date with payments on our bills and loans. It's hard but I somehow manage to do it. I do it so we don't have to live in the streets or starve. It's all to bring Jisoo up in the best environment I can.

"Don't spoil her too much," I warn Jiminie but I know, myself, it's hard. "Thank you," I say before leaving to go inside to start cooking lunch.

"Are you okay?" Jimin asks as I get ready for bed. From the bathroom, I can see Jisoo already in her crib sleeping.

"Yeah, I mean, I do the best I can." I shrug. I didn't really have anything to complain about, my family was supportive and my child wasn't impossible, she was just a kid being a kid.

"Yeah, but he was supposed to come back after this school year and Jisoo," I cut him off.

"And nothing. Hyungie wants to better himself and I can't hold him down. We can't stop him from achieving his dreams. It's okay. We barely knew each other and Jisoo doesn't really have memory of him. We'll be fine." I sigh. "So, he'll take more time than he first said...what can I do? Nothing, he's not my boyfriend or husband. He's a friend just like you are. I'm fine."

What more could I do or say?

Hyungie wanted a masters degree and I wasn't going to ask him to come back. Still, he promised to come back but his calls, texts seemed less frequent these past six months— actually, they were nonexistent. Of course, I had been sad but it wasn't the end of the world. From the beginning, I made it clear to myself that I wouldn't depend on a man to make me happy. Somehow, I think I've lived by it. I've got love and support here, what more could I ask for?

"Jiminie? I think— I think next year if everything keeps up, Jisoo and I will go to the city so I can finish what I started. I want to finish my degree." I change the subject. It's been in the back of my mind for a some time. I needed a degree to earn some real money; even though, money isn't everything but it's necessary when raising a child. Maybe with time I could work less and spend more time with Jisoo. I've just been patiently waiting for things to settle down here before saying anything aloud.

Finally, I feel like I could go and finish with certainty that we wouldn't lose our home, my family wouldn't starve, and they had the tools to survive moving forward. We managed to save our home in these two years and we'd finish paying it off next year. That would be a good time for me to take a step back and try entering college once again.

"Isn't it too soon?" He looks surprised.

"I've been waiting for years, it's not too soon. I had a promising future years ago. I want to prove to myself that I can still do it. A degree will help me provide a better future for Jisoo," I explain.

"You're right. It's just you've been here for so long. We're used to having you here and now we won't. We only have a year to get used to the idea of you leaving." Jiminie looks upset over it.

"It could be more than a year but I'm going to do it. I'm trying not to prolong this any further. Understand?" He nods. I smile because Jiminie is always supportive of my dreams and aspirations. He's the greatest man to live on this earth, one of the few good ones left.

"Fine but I'll go with you. I won't stay behind worrying if you two are alright. And don't say no because I'm going whether you like it or not." It's my turn to nod. It'll be good to have someone who will fight alongside me.

"Deal."

I'll be looking forward to it. It's my turn to try and do things right. It's going to be a long fight but I was determined because Jisoo deserved a better future than the one I can provide at this time. And having someone to help me would be encouraging. I'll never get tired of saying thank you to Jiminie.

Thank you.

February 28, 2019
seokjinkisses
dh00531
Anna-Francees1
I want to add all my girls in the chat but I can't haha 🤣
Also some that have been here since forever