College wasn't for everyone. Or so I had come to find out after I made the biggest choice of my life. Well when we all made our choices. I was curious about what this fall would bring other than homework. Maybe adventure? Happiness? Or sheer pressur...
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It was still odd making my way through all the very serious and dedicated students of the university to go practice my variations of five chords per song. Finding each note so slowly I wish I could've crawled into a hole as others practiced pieces by Saunders, Tsuji, and Auerbach a favorite of mine. I didn't belong in their practice rooms but I had made up my mind to fail at this. Then once I failed I'd be able to tell grandpa I'd tried at least. Through the tunes and lyrics we had once made there was a chance I could keep him alive.
"What?" I asked on the phone.
"Morning sunshine," Adam said. "Wait are you? Practicing?"
"Yes. Now can I go?"
"Of course. And let me know when you're down to record."
"Record?!" I exclaimed a little too loud but at least there was no one there with me.
"Yes. What did you think I meant by helping you?"
"I don't know. Playing gigs?"
"I'll get you one too. But first we need... your business card."
"Business what?"
"Don't be scared. It's just the natural process of things when you're trying to get your music out there."
"We don't even know if my songs are good yet. Shouldn't we test it out on an audience first?"
"Hey careful someone else might believe you were actually that bad."
"You're not taking me seriously."
"Oh yes I am. I take you the most seriously. So let me know when you have a couple of hours okay?"
"So you're just going to ignore me?"
"No I'm going to let you get back to doing what you're supposed to and I'll do what I'm supposed to."
"I don't even know what I'm doing."
"Don't worry. I'll make sure you have fun."
"I didn't ask to have fun."
"You must've wished for it or I wouldn't have shown up in your life Miss Emily Wright."
"The reason you're in my life is still to be determined."
"I'm determined," he responded still trying to be funny.
It was absolutely crazy for me to trust him on anything so I had to trust myself more. I had to trust that this path I was walking on wasn't going to falter right under my feet. Yes I had decided to fail, I was ready to fail at this, I could fail at this. I couldn't fail my scholarship, I couldn't fail my classes, or the vote of trust grandma had put in me by supporting me to come here but I could fail at this.
*
James and I were meeting for dinner for the first time since I had been fired. I had practiced a way to avoid the question if it came up. It was nice all the free time I had to use to write, to play, to study. It felt like for a little time I was finally having the normal college student experience.
