Resentment [Jacquees]

19. Maybe I Deserve

Naimah

I sat on my living room sofa softly rocking Rani to put her back to sleep. She's been having a bad day and been extremely cranky. She is gassy and cranky so I just want to hold her and spoil her until she's okay. Yesterday at the doctor's for her 6 week check up her doctor said everything with her was going great and she was progressing as she should although she's premature. This week that I've had her home with me has been great because it helps me partially take my mind off of Jacquees. I can't help to think about him though because when I look at her he's all I see, just with innocence and so much more love for me.

Speaking of, we have not communicated since that day at the hospital. He had not even been back to visit Rani. No calls, texts, nothing. That's my main issue with him right now. How could you ever take any anger out on your relationship with your child? Especially at a critical time like this when she needs mommy and daddy there. Damn, here I was thinking I had it all figured out and that isn't even the half. Now I admit I did let my insecurities get to me but he did not have to say the things he said, those words hurt coming from him more than any lash I ever received from Cameron. I guess I never fathomed we'd be in this position, not now, actually not ever.

Rani had finally begun to go fall into a peaceful sleep when I heard the doorbell. It's 9:30 PM so I wonder who that could be. I carefully cradled her and walked over to the door, looking out of the peep hole. Issa. I wonder what he could want.

"Hey, Issa. What's up?" I gave him a warm smile and stepped aside for him to enter.

He softly hugged me and kissed Rani's forehead then went into the living room. I closed and locked' the door and followed him. I gently lay my princess in her basinet before going and sitting on the love seat opposite Issa. He looked up at me with his beautiful green eyes full of worry.

"How have you been,Naia?" He questioned while resting his elbow on his leg and his chin atop of his fist.

"Hmm, I mean I've been making it. I'm really just worried about my baby girl more than anything, you know?"

"Yeah, I feel you. That's good."

"Yup." I replied feeling the awkwardness that was lingering in the room.

"So..." Issa looked at me, the softly sighed, "You and my cousin."

"What about him?" I retorted trying to fight the aggravation from showing on my face.

"I know you miss him."

"Maybe. Why does it matter? He has made it beyond apparent that he wants nothing to do with my daughter or I." I sat back on the love seat, crossing my arms and legs in aggravation.

"Naimah, I know damn well you know that isn't true. You know Que made you and that baby his world before she was even here. He was the best man to you but you, I love you like my blood, Naia but you really did some fucked up shit to my man and I know you know he did not deserve it."

I fought back tears because I knew he was telling the truth. I messed up in the worst way before that scene in the hospital. My insecurities and past are taking over me and running my life. This isn't good.

"Look, Naia, I'm not here to make you feel down, alright? That's the last thing I want I'm just concerned about the both of you. He's been on some other things and so have you. I just need you both to work out your differences, put all of the pride and everything else aside and act like adults. Y'all belong together and the world knows it but both of you have the absolute worst attitudes that you need to fix."

"Okay Issa, thank you, I really appreciate it."

"No problem. You know it's nothing." He rose up and smiled before embracing me into a hug. "I'll holler at you later, be good, aight?" Issa chuckled, opening the front door.

"That I will." I simply smiled and closed the door behind him.

Damn, Issa was totally correct. I cannot believe I was so insecure towards Jacquees, now he gave me a few reasons to be so but maybe I shouldn't have been so cold. Maybe he really deserves better than me, or do we belong together? I don't know but I know I love, need and want him. I picked up my phone and found his contact and pressed call. The phone rang a few times before her finally picked up.

"Hello?" Jacquees answered his phone in a sort of slurred voice.

"Yeah, Que?"

"Naia? What's up?"

"I..I..I miss you, Rodriquez?" I finally managed to utter and he just laughed.

"You miss me? What now that I got a new bitch you want me back? Now that you realize what you had you wanna miss me? Naimah, please." He replied then laughed.

I could not believe my ears. How could he be so cold? Who is this? This isn't my love, not the man I fell in love with. I spent so much time resenting everyone else and everyone's mistakes I possibly turned him on me. I could not do anything except hang up the phone and cry. Maybe I deserved this. This heartbreak, the pain, these tears, I deserve it all.

I was rudely awakened by the sound of someone beating my apartment door down. What time is it? Did I sleep on the sofa? I think I did, I was so out of it last night I don't even remember Rani waking me up in the middle of the night but she was lying on my chest just as startled as I. I held her and walked over to the door not even looking out before I opened it. When I did swing the door open I was met by the beautiful, naturally low brown eyes of Jacquees...

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Something quick! I totally forgot to update last night but I'm working on another chapter as soon as I publish this. I'm trying to turn this into a not so predictable book so I'm taking more time on these updates and all of that good stuff. Thanks for your patience!