Resentment [Jacquees]

26: Back to You

Naimah

I could not believe my ears. What does she mean HIV? How could my baby have HIV, I had only been with her fa--Jacquees... What the fuck? My heart just dropped. As did my body, I fell to the floor cradling myself against the wall because I did not know how to handle the information I was just given.

My baby possibly has HIV, so that means her father could have it which means-- OH MY FUCKING GOD! I could have the shit, too! Is this really what my life has come to? Right when I thought maybe it was getting better. I felt my heart rate speeding up as my body became hotter and everything around me became a blur. My throat began to tighten and I felt as if my lungs would give in on me.

The only sounds I could hear were the voices of Auntie Tam, Dustin and Soraya. I could barely see them. I felt Dustin's arms around me trying to calm me down but at this point calm is no where near being an option. Although being in his arms did greatly help my anxiety lower it could not take away this pain I was feeling in my heart.

Jacquees

I walked through the hospital hallways in the direction the receptionist pointed me to with sweat forming on every inch of my body. In my heart I felt so hurt and guilty. My child could be suffering and it's all because of my dirty past. I should have just informed Naimah of what could possibly be going on with her health instead of being so stubborn.

How could I be so damn stupid? I should have just put my resent for Naimah to the side for our child. When I rounded the corner I saw Dustin on the floor and next to him was a devastated Naia crying her heart out as he tightly held her. Tamara and Soraya were sitting with their hands on their chins in deep thought and a little boy was asleep next to them. My presence wasn't obvious until Naimah looked up at me with hatred in her tearful eyes.

"Why the hell are you here?" Naimah glared at me with a cold-hearted stare.

"Not to argue with you. I'm here for Rani and her only." I retorted already beginning to become annoyed with her.

"Oh, now you care about your daughter? It's your fault, asshole! I can't stand you."

"Naimah, the feeling is mutual but do not do that especially when I've been calling and texting you non-stop! Quit acting like a bitch and get off your boyfriend's dick for once & maybe you would have known earlier."

"Wow. So, you knew, Jacquees? How long?"

"That doesn't matter. Matter of fact why am I still talking to you? This is about my daughter." I spat, walking past her to the viewing window of the room.

I stood in the window in complete shock and confusion. This is not what was supposed to become of Naimah and I's rekindling of our love. We were supposed to stay in love and be happy. We were supposed to love each other harder through the rough times.

We're not supposed to be sitting in the emergency room intertwined in the arms of another while our daughter fights for her life. Honestly, I need Naimah now more than anything. I desperately wish I could go back in time and undo all of this. My baby girl looks so miserable hooked up to these machines and tubes. I feel so fucking terrible. I feel even worse about stooping to Naia's level and ignoring her for so long.

It's time for me to step up and be a man. I made mistakes as did Naia and we both need to work this out. Fuck that nigga Dustin. Fuck anything that doesn't belong. It's supposed to be Naimah, Rani & Jacquees and damn it that it will be! I'll do what ever it takes to get my family on the correct path and get back to love...

Naimah

I held the crisp manilla folder in my trembling hands nervous about what I was about to read. These were the results for the HIV tests Jacquees, Rani and I has taken. He was next to me resting his arms on his knees with an anticipating look on his face. He seemed to be just as anxious and nervous as I. I took a deep breath.

"Que, I can't look. I'll close my eyes and you look, alright?" I told him with soft eyes.

"Alright." He timidly smiled.

I took another deep breath, closed my eyes and then a few seconds later opened the folder. It was quiet for a bit until I heard a gasp. My heart immediately fell to the pit of my stomach.

"Thank God. Thank you, Lord!" I heard Jacquees slightly shout after which I opened my eyes and read for myself.

We were clean. All three of us were clean and healthy. I looked at Jacquees and smiled and without thinking jumped in his arms and kissed him.

"I love you!" I exclaimed before realizing what I had done. "No, I'm -- I mean -- I'm sorry, Que."

"Nah, you're good." He replied, putting his head down.

"Jacquees," I said softly touching his shoulder.

"What's up?" He said looking at me with sad eyes.

"I apologize about the way everything has gone down."

"I forgive you, and I'm sorry for the way I've been acting. I just miss you, I miss my family that's all."

"I understand."

He softly sighed and ran his hands through his dreads.

"You don't miss us? Say you don't still love me?" He stared at me with pleading eyes.

"I don't..." I hesitantly replied then regretting it when I saw the pain and tears in his eyes.

The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Jacquees but our time for love has passed. We have to do the best we can do as parents and friends. I am happy with Dustin and working on my happiness in general. I just want to keep it that way. He's still in love with me but as much as it pains me to say, I've fallen out of love with him. That's the end of Jacquees' and Naimah's love story...