Orphic (#1 in the Hajar series)

twenty-six

chapter twenty six - broken

song of the chapter ; six feet under - billie eilish

YES IM AWARE ALL OF THE SONGS ARE ALL JHENE AIKO OR BILLIE EILISH IM JUST OBSESSED WITH THEM OK

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THE SUN WAS peaking over the horizon when they got back on the road. The seating positions had changed, with Alexander driving and Lacey sat in the passenger's seat. Israfil was in the back, with Farah's head tucked under his chin as she slept through her exhaustion. He almost laughed at how compactly she fitted on his lap, but the relief was too overwhelming to even snicker at.

He rested his head against the chair and tightened his arms around her, glancing out the window. The sky was painted with Raphaelite beauty, coated in surreal hues of golden, pink, and blue as the great big orb was beginning to find its place in the sky. The night was over, and so was the danger. He sharply exhaled, finding it in himself to be content with what he had with her now. At least she was able to be held without flinching anymore. Progress was made, and although it was a small step, it was in the right direction.

Israfil thought about all of the changes he would have to make when they arrived back home.

Farah was still haunted by her past, he could sense it. It was almost enthralling how without her verbally telling him anything about herself, he had still learned so much about her just by analyzing her. Small habits, like biting the inside of her cheek before she answered or how she fiddled with her fingers when she wanted to avoid a question. But he didn't just want to know about the small things he wanted to know it all. And he knew it was scary for her, but pacing himself was difficult.

She still reminisced and remembered all of her occurrences with Noah,  still had nightmares and terrors and often had flashbacks about the previous events. Ever since the marking had taken place, a more intimate connection had formed. And although he wasn't able to exactly read her mind, he often times could guess accurately about what she was thinking. 

It wasn't fair.

The most innocent people went through the most fucked up things. They were the least deserving of the bad that happened to them. People like her had a heart too big for their own body, it invited into unwanted demons and shadows. It wasn't fair that she went all of these years alone, driven to the point of suicide without anyone worth of value to guide her through it, forced to suffer in silence. The fact that someone had willingly and consciously raped and abused her left his hands shaking and he had to force himself to close his damn eyes and relax before he lost it.

Israfil stiffened when he felt her lips skim the skin of his collarbone as she turned her face in her sleep, and he had to look up at the roof of the car to maintain his self-control.