Orphic (#1 in the Hajar series)

thirty

chapter thirty - velleity

song of the chapter ; white mustang - lana del ray

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FARAH ALWAYS LIKED to believe that she thrived in the night, that the darkness it provided made thrill rush through her bloodstream, not fear. It was a lie, she fully knew it was, truthfully the inky black of the sky made a shiver run down her spine. Maybe it was just some form of sick therapy for herself, trying to remind her brain that there wasn't anything to haunt her in the shadows anymore. 

The house was quiet tonight. 

Israfil wasn't making a sound, so she gathered he was either doing pack work or was sleeping already, she knew he wouldn't leave her unattended. Farah wondered if it was because of his lack of trust in her, or somebody else. Did he think that there was someone worth protecting her from, is that why he never left her by herself? The thought made a chill crawl over her skin with unease at the possibility. 

Farah released a deep sigh, turning to her phone that was charging on her bedside table, checking the time.

11;04 pm, The numbers glared brightly on her screen. 

She missed him, in all honesty. And it made Farah curse, because she had been the one to tell him to stay away and that she needed space. He had granted her wish, keeping to himself for a whole week. He woke up early, set out to tend to his Alpha duties before he would return home to cook a meal before heading to his office to continue his work. When she went to the kitchen to pour herself food, a plate was already prepared by him for her, with her pill on the side along with a tall glass of icy lemonade. The gesture was only worsening her guilt.

Am I overreacting? Farah asked herself, before shaking the thought away. She was exhausted from this, him doing everything for only for him to receive nothing in return. He was growing tired of only having half of her, she knew it. Farah felt bad for all the chasing he had made him do, only to come up empty-handed and disappointed. She needed to fix this before it ruined the both of them.

Ignoring the dip in her stomach and her anxiousness, she sought him out. Farah lifted herself off of her bed, the room so cold it made goosebumps rise on her arms. Even though the vents blew out hot air, it did little to warm her and soothe the aching in her chest. Her feet padded against the beige carpet as she strode to his office, inhaling sharply before raising her fist and knocking briefly. 

"Come in." His voice sounded so light that it made her heart stutter.

She creaked the door open, taking as much oxygen in as she could because the sight of him was so profound she nearly tripped. His lamplight, a warm orange, made his skin glow a tender shade of golden bronze. His eyes were pale gray in this light, differing from the regular silver. There was something missing in them, but she couldn't seem to put her finger on it. 

He was still scribbling something onto some paperwork, his gaze not meeting her own.

"Hey," She said softly, leaning her head against the doorframe.

Israfil looked up at her then, a small smile playing on his face.  "Hey, what's up?"

Farah turned and shut the door behind her, walking further into the room and settling on the bench next to his desk. Her pulse raced because of his attentive study on her, almost as if he were analyzing all of her movements as she performed them. "I'm sorry," Although she intended he words to come out strong, they released breathily from her lips. 

He frowned, eyebrows furrowing. "Why are you sorry? I'm the one who should be apologizing."

Farah shook her head, "No, Israfil. I never truly said sorry for leaving and putting myself in danger like that, it just scared me that you killed him." Her eyelids fluttered shut, her fingers twitching in her lap. "Noah, he-" She inspired piercingly, "He deserved to die like that." She finally admitted to herself, having it kept bottled up for so long. "I loved him, but it wasn't okay for him to do all the things he did."

"You had every right to be scared." He told her, voice tender. "I should be apologizing to you, I had no right to dig up information like that. It was manipulative and overbearing and it was disrespectful, I'm so sorry." He stood up from his black leather chair, walking around his desk to sit next to her, but he was keeping his distance. Israfil's jean-clad leg didn't bother to brush her own like it usually did. He still thought she was mad at him, so he was avoiding physical contact so she wouldn't be upset.

The thing was, though, that was the exact opposite of what she wanted. Attraction snaked around her like a second skin so she bit her tongue so she wouldn't say anything she shouldn't. "It's okay." A small smile graced her lips then. "What about you?"

"What do you mean?"

She turned towards him, black doll-like eyes searching his face. "Do you forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive." He stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I was mad at you because you put yourself in danger, but I know you're not going to do it again."

He stood up then, offering her a hand.

Farah stared at his outstretched palm and his towering height with a raised eyebrow. 

"Come on," He said, "I want to take you somewhere." 

Cautious and unsure, she took his hand, trying to ignore the rush of warmth that crawled up her arm and across her body. "Israfil-" She began.

"You don't have to tell me anything else for now," Israfil said, tugging her up from the bench. "Let's go."

--

"McDonald's?" Farah asked curiously, watching him as he rolled up to the order speaker. The bright menu options lit up at her face with such brightness that stood out from the dark night. 

He offered her a small grin, white teeth and all that made her stomach dip. "Relax, we're not staying here." Israfil turned back to the speaker, ordering the food before putting the car in drive to the next window. He paid quickly and took the food from the female who's gaze was a little more lascivious than considered respectful. The woman harshly turned around when Farah glared at her.

Upon noticing this, Israfil laughed, handing her an M&M ice cream. "Jealous?" He teased, watching as her face flushed and she bit back a smile.

"No," She said adamantly, feeling heat creep up her neck and onto her cheeks. Farah thanked him and slid ice cream into her mouth so she wouldn't do anything else stupid, nearly moaning from the sweet taste of the chocolate and vanilla combination. "Remember when you had to spoon feed me this?" She laughed.

Israfil glared at her as they pulled out of the drive-thru, "That wasn't funny."

"Yeah, it was," She tittered, "Where are we going?"

Israfil shook his head, chuckling slightly. "You'll see."

--

oof bby