lovelorn [h.s.]

f i v e

A.N.
updating again bc I am in fact a legend and a charitable queen, but I'm also just enjoying writing this story, so I hope you're all liking it so far too

H A R R Y

I wake up with a gasp, my body slick with sweat and my heart thumping inside my chest after the dream I just had. I pull myself up into a sitting position, raking my hand through my messy hair. I shove the covers off me, not needing the added heat as I try to push away the feelings of guilt I always get whenever I have dreams like that.

It's not like I do it on purpose, it's simply just my unconscious creeping in when I'm asleep, vulnerable, and can no longer repress the desires I have to constantly battle with. I hate myself for imagining Scarlett in that way, feeling like I'm disrespecting her, despite knowing I can't really help it. I don't understand how she can always be on my unconscious even when she's on my mind all throughout the day anyway, but it somehow always happens.

I can't quite remember when exactly it was that I realised I loved her, all I know is that I fell for her before I even had the chance to stop it and I've been damned ever since. Damned because I had to fall in love with my best friend, I had to fall in love with Scarlett Murphy, a girl who can't love and can't handle being loved.

That's probably the worst thing of all. Not that she's my best friend, because that obstacle has been repeatedly overcome. It's that even if I was to tell her my true feelings, which of course I never would, I know what the results would be. Scarlett doesn't really do emotions.I don't know exactly why, because I've never wanted to ask her about it in case I set her off, but my best guess is that it has something to do with her family. She comes from a broken home, and it affects her a lot more than she'd ever admit.

I let out a small yawn as I roll over in my bed, becoming tired of thinking about this. I reach out to grab my phone placed on the bedside table, my eyes squinting at the bright light. I scroll through a few social media apps before clicking onto my contact list and tapping Scarlett's name, bringing the phone up to my ear.

It rings a few times before I suddenly hear the phone click, a few moments of silence passing before the sound of her voice drifts through the phone. "Hey...." she murmurs, her voice suggesting she's just woken up, which is confirmed a few seconds later when she yawns. "Why are you calling me so early?"

"It's ten o'clock."

"Exactly."

I chuckle quietly, rolling my eyes. "I'm guessing you didn't get much sleep last night."

"How'd you know that?" she asks me curiously, sounding genuinely confused.

"You texted me when you got home, remember? At 2am?"

"Oh yeah," she says with a small laugh, clearly remembering. She doesn't say anything for a while and I assume she's just waking herself up, but then she suddenly hits me with a question that I didn't expect. "Did you stay up that long to wait for my text?"

"N-No. I was up anyway," I say quickly, even though that's a complete lie. But what am I supposed to tell her? That yes, I lay in bed waiting for that text notification on my phone, because I couldn't possibly fall asleep unless I'm certain that she's safe inside at home?

The thought of something happening to Scarlett or losing her, even just for a second.........it's a thought that I can't bear to think about for very long.

"Ok," she replies, simply accepting my answer before letting out another yawn over the phone. "So why are you calling? Do you want to hang out or something?"