lovelorn [h.s.]

f o r t y n i n e

A.N. I really hate this gif but its needed for the chapter let's all cry together

SCARLETT

I feel like I'm going to be sick.

The feeling of nausea has been lodged into the pit of my stomach ever since I found TJ in my hallway last night, and it's remained there ever since. From the second I crawled out of bed, the nausea has been growing and growing, finding myself on the verge of retching several times. I almost threw up as I was walking up the path to Harry's house, and then I almost threw up again as I walked back down it. After leaving his room, I didn't even make it to the front door before I started crying. In fact, I don't think I had even reached the bottom of the stairs before I was bawling my eyes out.

I also feel like I'm going to be sick because I'm currently sat in a dingy room in the basement of someone's house I've never been in before, the smell of tobacco and pot that's drifting through the air only making my stomach churn more. As soon as I told TJ that I had done what he asked me to, that I had successfully broken Harry's heart, he showed up at my house and practically forced me out of it. He ended up dragging me off to hang out with him and his goons, or 'my new friends' as he called them, telling me that I was going to be the 'Bond girl' in their little group. I pointed out that that role is misogynistic because it only serves to satisfy the male gaze, but he just rolled his eyes and snapped at me to shut up. I knew that Harry would've laughed at it though.

Harry. That's all I can think about as I sit in an old, stained armchair in the corner of the smoky room. Harry.

I can't believe I did that to him. I can't believe I sat there, on his bed that we were so blissfully wrapped up in hours earlier, and spat out the most poisonous lies that have ever left my lips with the deliberate intent to break him. I sat there, watching as all the colour drained out of his perfect face and practically hearing his warm, kind and loving heart shatter into a thousand pieces. I destroyed him.

My best friend. The boy who's always been there for me, firmly at my side for both the good times and bad. The boy that I didn't even realise I am so deeply and irrevocably in love with until now, when it's too late.

Images of us together race through my mind, vivid memories flashing in my head relentlessly like hot knives stabbing through my heart. I see us cuddled up together during our movie nights, laughing as we chase each other around the kitchen with pancake batter. I see our first kiss, the night where Harry stormed out of the party when we were playing spin the bottle because it landed on me, only for him to grab me and give me one of the best kisses I've ever had in my life. I see our second kiss in that small club bathroom, full of lust and a hunger that I didn't even know existed between us.

I see us dancing around the kitchen together, my body never feeling as safe as it did when I was wrapped in his arms. I see all our fights and arguments, either pointless or utterly gut wrenching, but I also see how we made up each time, because even when we were kids, we both hated it when we fought. I see all our intimate moments together, how he always held me so tight and so close, like he never wanted to let me go. I see every touch, every caress, every kiss, every moment we spent tangled up in each other's bodies, not needing anything else but us, because that's all we've ever had.