lovelorn [h.s.]

f i f t y

A.N. don't freak out about the time jump. Believe it or not it's necessary for the story & how it's going to end - which I'm trying to plan out but is proving more difficult than I originally thought, so bear with me!!! but enjoy this chapter x

HARRY

A month. A whole month.

Four weeks. Thirty days. 720 hours. 4,3200 minutes. That's how long it's been since my heart was broken.

Not that I'm counting or anything.

I think this is the longest time I've gone without seeing her. Without seeing my best friend. Ever since we first met when we were barely six years old, we've spent almost every waking hour together. Even when we grew older and entered our teenage years, which brought along hormones and petty arguments, we always made up after a few days, maybe a week or two at a push.

But it's never been like this. It's never been this bad.

For the first few days, I remained a recluse in my house, hiding under the covers and switching off my phone. I didn't want to hear from anyone, didn't want to talk to anyone, didn't want to see anyone. But just because I've been buried in bed doesn't mean I've been sleeping, in fact it's been the complete opposite. It's a rather odd situation because the numbness that's encompassed my body makes me extremely tired, but even still, I spend every night staring up at the ceiling, thinking about how painful everything is. The only thing that helps are the sleeping pills that I found in the bathroom, which offer some respite from the crippling agony I'm forced to endure in the day. They make the world a little more hazy, a little less sharp, and they're the only thing that distract me from the pain of losing Scarlett.

Those few days passed by in a dark, depressing blur, until my mum practically forced me to leave the house and go do something. I haven't told her what's wrong and she hasn't really asked, but she's not stupid. She hasn't mentioned Scarlett or asked if I have any plans with her, which she usually would, so I'm guessing she's figured it out on her own. I'm still not completely sure if she was aware of mine and Scarlett's relationship, but judging by the way she's been looking at me while I've been moping around the house, I reckon she knew. A mother's intuition, I suppose.

Once I managed to drag myself out of bed, forced myself into the shower and pulled clean clothes on, I finally switched my phone back on. I was immediately greeted by about a thousand messages and missed calls from my friends, asking me where the hell I was and what I've been doing. A few of them were asking about Scarlett who they haven't seen in weeks, but apparently she ditched them all to go hang out with a group of delinquents who drink and party most days. Back to her old ways, I suppose.

Usually, I would be swooping in to save her just like I always do, like I always have, but this time, I can't do that. She made her choice, and she didn't choose me. And for the sake of my pride, I need to just accept that.