Home Sweet Home

two idiots on my plush couch

Why were there two idiots sitting on my big plush couch across from me?

And why could I literally see through them, somewhat? I could make out all their features, including clothes, but there was a certain transparency about them.

Maybe it was the four scotches I had or maybe there was more in those cigars than just tobacco.

Whatever the case, I could see them as plain as day.

They were sitting side by side on the couch, whispering to each other, pointing at me and laughing.

I did my best not to look directly at them.

One was dressed in a leather jacket and jeans, with cuffs, and a white t-shirt. His black hair was slicked back, like something out of the 1950s.

Why did James Dean come to mind?

And seriously, cuffs?

The other guy was dressed in dress pants, white shirt and a gaudy flowered tie. He had short, buzz cut, blondish hair and wore glasses.

"Go over behind him and blow on his hair. That should make him run," the blonde, glassed guy said to the other.

The leather jacket guy disappeared and a few seconds later I could feel my hair move as though by a slight breeze.

I finished my drink, ignoring the punk and stood up.

I walked to the bar, put my glass down and picked up the scotch decanter.

"Move his glass."

I watched as the leather coat punk pulled the glass a few inches from me.

I let out a long sigh and pulled it back and ...

You guessed it. He moved it again, all the while laughing like an idiot with the blonde guy, who was still on the couch.

Again, I pulled it back and once again, still laughing, he moved it.

I grabbed the glass and held it tight. I watched as his hand wrapped around the glass. I could feel a slight tug, but nothing that would stop me. I filled the glass and put the decanter back on the bar.

I started walking back to my chair, pulling the leather jacket grease ball with me, through the bar.

As I sat down, I heard the blonde, four eyes say, "knock down the decanter and smash it."

The leather jacket loser disappeared. I heard the decanter scratch along the surface of the bar.

"You smash that decanter and I will kill you," I said sternly.

I looked directly at the blonde haired, four eyes across from me.

"Tell him to put the decanter back on the bar."

"Put the decanter back on the bar," the geeky guy whispered.

I heard a gentle sound as the decanter was laid back.

"Now get over here and sit with your dumbass buddy."

"I think he can see us," I heard whispered behind me.

"No, he can't," the blond haired guy said.

I sipped my drink.

"Yes I can see you and unfortunately, I can hear you too."

I heard two distinct screams and watched as they both disappeared through the wall.

"Fuck," I whispered, as I lit another cigar, shaking my head.

They were certainly irritating, but these cigars were oh, so good.

"He saw us."

"I know and he heard us."

"You think he can hear us now?"

"I don't know, but he can't see us, here."

"Hey. You two assholes. Come out of my walls and sit down."

I waited a few moments, but slowly they appeared from behind the wall, through the wall.

"Have a seat," I insisted, pointing to the couch.

Slowly they walked to the couch and sat down.

"It was his idea," the blonde guy said quickly.

"You chicken shit," The other guy said, as he swung at him.

I can honestly say I have never seen two ghosts try to fight each other, but it was hilarious.

They could not land a punch. Hands were flailing all over the place, but just hitting air.

"KNOCK IT OFF," I yelled.

They both stopped and sat there in silence.

I puffed my cigar and blew smoke rings into the air.

I was amazed at how cool I was, considering the fact that I was sitting in my new home, across from two ghosts.

And blowing smoke rings.

Isn't that cool?

But you know what wasn't cool?

The fact that inside I was about to fucking freak out.