Home Sweet Home

who is my mother?

"My mother is still alive," i said, half happily and half pissed off.

"Where is she? Who is she? Why doesn't she let me know? Who were the people who raised me?"

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Russel staggered to his feet.

"How do ... they ... git da ... carm-a-milk in da ... carm-a- milk bars?"

He started to laugh, but then fell on his back, again. In a second he was snoring.

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Crows snore?

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"I often ... wondered ... 'bout dat ... meself."

General Bob staggered toward Russel and collapsed across his belly.

Russell put his wing over the rat.

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"Isn't that cute?" Betty remarked.

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I shook my head.

"Baron. How do you know my mother is still alive?"

.

He stared at me for what seemed an eternity.

"Because ..."

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I sat forward.

.

"Because ..."

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Betty sat forward.

.

"Because ..."

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Calvin cleaned his glasses.

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"Because ..."

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"BARON !!!"

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"I am your father, Krall."

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I swore I could hear startling music in the background.

'How could he be my father?'

"How can you be my father?"

.

"I met your mother at the local Co-op, many years ago. We both reached for the same cantaloup at the same time.

It was the only one left. It was a little bruised and soft, but I guess we both had a craving for cantaloup.

I prefer it to watermelon or carrots."

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I had no idea what the hell carrots had to do with anything.

"Baron, please."

.

"Anyway, we started talking and both realized that we like the same kind of music and T.V. shows and women's magazines. And we both liked knitting and crocheting and shooting gophers."

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"But weren't you married at the time?" Betty asked.

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The Baron nodded.

"I was, but my wife was a bit of a whore. She slept with pretty much everyone from the mail carrier to the homeless guy who lived in a cardboard box behind the funeral home."