skinny love

eleven

Ruby
When you're young you think nothing will happen to you. You look at those 15, 16, 17 year olds who get in car crashes or die from drug overdose or fall off a cliff and you think, that would never happen to me. When you're young you think you'll never be 35 or 42 or 54. Then one day you're 74 in a nursing home and you can't remember what happened an hour ago.
The thing is, we either are young and dumb teenagers who live it up and end up having regrets, or you worry about the future and end up missing the present and end up with regrets. Don't worry about yesterday, it already happened, don't worry about tomorrow, it hasn't happened yet, live in the now, focus on what IS happening.
But look at me. Lying motionless in a hospital bed in the ICU just because my stupid heart felt the need to intervene. Thank God I did. Or else I would be getting a phone call that Jimmy Newton killed himself. So maybe this is what needed to happen. To remind us that life is so fragile. Even if you slip on ice the wrong way you could end up paralyzed. But me, I was knocked out by the force of Jimmy trying to push me away from the hole in the ice that would've swallowed me whole. My body feels numb but my heart feels paralyzed. What do I do now? What will my parents say? Why me? Why'd I have to have feelings for a guy I just barely know. Why do I fall so quickly.
I was provoked from my thoughts as I heard a light sob. My eyes fluttered open as they adjusted to the light. I felt a warm hand on me.
I looked to my left and saw a woman burying her face in her hands, leaning on a strong man. My mom. My dad.
"Mom?" I said.
My mom sniffles and straightened her back
"Hi honey. It's mom. And dad." She offered me a weak smile with red eyes.
"Dad." I sighed. I was never so relived to see my parents. I often resented them for being so strict and unfair. But now all I wanted was to be cradled by my dad and have my mom run her hands through my hair. I wanted to go back to being 7 years old.
"Hey sweetie. How ya doing?" My dads hand tightened over mine and I smiled. My dad and I where always so close.
"I'm sorry." My smile faded and I began to whimper.
"No no honey no." My mom shook her head and put her hand on my cheek, "this isn't your fault."
"Yes it is. You told me to stay away from him." My sobs began getting harsher.
"We did but what you did saved his life. Jimmys doing great. His father even came to visit him." My dad gave me a fake smile. I knew how much he disliked Jimmys father.
"Oh no." I cried even more. I could feel the pain Jimmy was feeling right now. Seeing the man who left you and your mom just appear at the hospital.
"What's wrong?" My mom asked
"I need to see Jimmy." I said
"I don't think that's a good idea honey. From what I've heard Jimmy was heartbroken about whatever happened between you two. I think that it's best if you never see each other again. This was very awakening. I think you'd agree?" My mom nodded
I clenched my eyes shut and weeped.
The nurse came in.
"Hey Ruby how ya doing?" She came up to me and did whatever nurses do.
"When can I go home." I asked
"Soon. We just need to run a couple more tests. Your breathing wasn't too good a couple hours ago so we are gonna keep you on oxygen." She nodded
I gasped when I realized I had oxygen hooked up to me.
"But all I did was slip on ice?" I asked
"Jimmy slammed into you, literally
Knocking the wind out of you." My mom said. I know the thought of a guy touching me was repulsive to her.
"I'll be right back." The nurse smiled and walked out.
My parents talked but I didn't listen. I felt numb to the world. Like there wasn't much to live for if Jimmy and I couldn't be friends. What was I supposed to do at school? Just ignore him? Pretend he doesn't exist? Pretend he doesn't live across the neighborhood from me? Just go back to the way things were? I was invisible and he was the guy I was scared to talk to? I don't want that.