I'll Be There For You

Chapter 26

A look into Peter's mind.

Peter wasn't mad. He was upset. His fear of being alone was finally true. Yes, he has Tony and the others, but he doesn't have any family. His parents are gone, Uncle Ben was murdered, and Aunt May was killed. In his world, he was alone. He had no one but himself.

After Uncle Ben died, he pushed everyone away. It was his way to grieve. He rarely talked about his feelings. He put on a fake face, hiding from reality. It was easier, but hiding his true feelings became an habit.

Everyone who saw him thought he was the happiest teenager in the world. His smile could brighten up the world.

Peter's emotions are like Spider-Man. No one knows about them. They both hide in the dark, behind the same person. This way, it hurts no one but himself.

It's better that way. He told himself every night. I can't lose anymore people that way.

His body was broken, being held together by tape. One more hit, he would fall apart. Unfortunately, he got hit once more.

Aunt May broke him. She kicked him out, disowned him, only called Peter to tell him how messed up he was. But, he still loved her. Because that is who he is. She was his Aunt, his guardian, someone who understood his pain.

Her dying was his last straw. The tape broke apart, tearing him into multiple parts. You would need the strongest tape to stitch him back together.

He understands why Tony did what he did. He doesn't know all of the details, but he saw how upset Tony was. He doesn't blame Tony. He blames himself. He is the one who causes all his pain.

Peter moved from the medical bay to his room after an hour. He sat on the floor, tears falling out of his eyes. Uncontrollable. That word seems to define him. He can't control his pain, his anger, his feelings. He can't control who dies, who gets hurt, who survives. It breaks him apart. He is uncontrollable.

Breathe. He tells himself. You're Spider-Man! You can do this! Peter lets out a shaky breathe. No, you can't. You are Penis Parker. A nobody. You can't do anything.

Peter laughs at how two-sided he is. Spider-Man is the opposite of Peter Parker. Spidey is strong, independent, a hero. Peter is weak, dependent, and a nobody.

Peter stood up, wobbling. He walked to his suit. He grabs it and brings it to his bed and sits down. Peter grazes his hands over the material.

Peter can't pull himself together. He can't save himself. He is the one who needs saving. Spider-Man, help me. Please.

Peter pulls the mask over his face, instantly feeling stronger. Spider-Man saves him, but hurts him at the same time. Spider-Man killed his Uncle, and his Aunt. Most importantly, Spidey killed Peter.

Peter is still alive, but barely. His soul left his body, leaving just bones and skin. Spider-Man, though, is fully alive. He still has a personality, still has purpose. It makes sense why Peter wants to Spider-Man.

But, if he is only Spider-Man, it will destroy Peter Parker completely. Is Peter okay with that?

Surprisingly, no. There's a part of Peter that Spider-Man can't live without. Pain.

Peter suffered. Spider-Man didn't. Peter suffered from things that happened to him, and things that happened to Spider-Man. Spider-Man is unaffected, but Peter is torn apart.

But without the pain, Spider-Man could not survive. The pain shows him that he isn't invincible. The pain gives him a place. He understands the pain of losing someone. He understands.

Spider-Man cannot live without Peter, and Peter can't live without Spider-Man. It isn't a mutualistic relationship though. They both don't benefit. It is a parasitic relationship. Peter is harmed while Spider-Man benefits.

Even though that's the case, Peter can evolve. He can learn to control himself. Then, it will be an mutualistic relationship.

Peter smiles at the thought. He is willing to change, to grow stronger. Peter remembers when the Vulture dropped a building onto him.

Peter suffered from that, but he now realizes the most important part of that situation. The reflection in the water.

It showed his face. Peter's face. But, half of it had the mask over it. Spider-Man isn't another person. He realizes that now.

Peter ripped the mask off of his face. "I am Spider-Man. Peter Parker. Spider-Man."

His smile grew. He can do this. He took a deep breathe.  He is Spider-Man. Spider-Man is Peter. Peter built a wall between the two, but now he is breaking it down.

He made a crack in the wall. The wall is being destroyed. The wall separated his person into two. His two parts need each other. Everything about Spider-Man is also true for Peter.

Peter is strong. Peter is independent. Peter. Is. A. Hero.

The dependent part of Peter merges with the independent part of Spider-Man. He depends on everyone, but he also protects them.

The civilians of New York help Peter. They support him, and love him. Peter protects them, making sure they don't feel as much pain as he did.

He can do this. The wall is breaking. He feels the two sides mixing together. He can do this. He will do this.

The weaknesses of Peter Parker are destroyed by the strengths of Spider-Man. The weaknesses of Spider-Man are destroyed by the strengths of Peter Parker.

Peter takes a confident breathe. The wall is crumbled down. He broke it. He is finally one again.

He broke the spell that was cast over him. He is free. He is whole.

Peter wiped his leftover tears. He puts on a bright smile. His smile turns into laughter. He feels great. This is what Uncle Ben was talking about.

"With great power comes great responsibility."

Peter's powers aren't his wall climbing. His power is in Peter Parker. His power is himself.

His responsibility is himself. As long as he is whole, he can save anyone.

The first person he needs to help is himself. He did that. He understands now. He is happy. He is whole, so he can help anyone.

The next person he needs to help is Tony. He can do that. He needs to comfort him. Let Tony know that it isn't his fault. He can do that. He will do that.

Peter keeps his smile on his face, and opens the door. He will do this. For Tony. For himself. He can do this. This is his power. This is his responsibility.