Right Through Me

T W E N T Y N I N E

I was finally back to working full-time at the clinic. I felt much more at home than ever before and definitely less stressed than before. The girls were nice enough not to mention anything about Donovan and after I called him last week, he never called me back or contacted me in any way.

I'd be lying if I said I was completely fine. I had already seen on TV and literally every other form of social media the breaking news of Donovan retiring as Gladiator. He could've at least said thank you or shown any form of appreciation, but he never did. It was irritating but I was glad he finally got what he truly wanted and now that he's no longer a Gladiator, he no longer needs me and that's how it was.

What am I saying? I wanted this. I wanted to forget him for good but he's still stuck in my mind.

"He's happy," Diane said, snapping me out of my trance. 

It was currently our lunch break and me and her were eating in the break room. 

"Because of you, Lina," she finished.

I sighed heavily and put my sandwich down and wiped my hands. "I'd much rather hear that from him, Diane."

"Look, I have no explanation for that boys attitude. He gets more and more stubborn as the years pass. He won't ever admit that he's free because of you so I just wanted to be the one to thank you," she explained. "He seems...relieved."

"Then...I've finally done my job," I told her, packing up my lunch and putting it back in the fridge. 

"The strangest things started happening though," she began to say, stopping me before I could leave. "My father-in-law, Donovan's grandfather, began coming over for dinner and hosting his own dinner parties with us, all of us. It's been years since he's done anything like that...and he looks happy."

"Like I said, Diane," I turned to tell her. "I did my job. That's it."

* * * * *

"Did your job my ass!" Mia screeched, slamming her pint of beer down, splashing it all over the table in the process. "Seriously, Lina, what kind of excuse is that?"

"One that can help me just move on with my life," I said, slowly drinking my pint of beer. "What more do you want me to say?"

"Look, Lina, we're happy that you made this decision on your own but we can see that it's just tearing you apart," Leslie said.

"Yeah, I know. You guys think I don't know this? But what else do you want me to do? I've made the decision and that's it," I told them.

"You don't seem very happy with your decision," Amanda pointed out. 

"I'll get over it."

* * * * *

It was becoming extremely unhealthy to lie to myself. After my shift at the clinic was over I headed to the corner market, at ten o'clock at night, to buy myself another bottle of wine. The drinking was unhealthy but a glass of wine at night allowed me to go to sleep.

What have I become?

I stood in the wine aisle, staring at the rows of various wines. Red, white, pink, sangria's, fruity wines, bitter ones, dessert wines. 

"I see you still enjoy a bottle of wine a night."

I knew that voice all to well. I shut my eyes for a moment to avoid turning and looking at him. 

"Unfortunately. It's not a healthy habit," I said quickly, opening my eyes and grabbing a random bottle of wine and walking the opposite direction of where he stood. However, I could hear him following me, his footsteps sounded slow for he took long strides and in a matter of seconds he grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him. "Stop it, Donovan. I don't want to do this right now."

"We need to talk," he said gruffly.

I ripped my arm out of his grasp and scoffed. "Yeah. Right. You wait nearly three weeks to finally talk to me? No way. Goodnight."

"Angelina," he snapped, causing me to freeze in my tracks once again. "Let me buy you a drink."

* * * * *

How he managed to convince me to go out with him was beyond me and I sat across from him, looking everywhere but at him and slowly drinking my glass of water. 

"Do you plan on ignoring me all night?"

"Did you plan on ignoring me for the rest of your life?"

He shut his mouth instantly and he looked at me coldly, harshly. "You're the one who wouldn't answer my calls. I figured that was it. Because I wasn't fighting you didn't need to be there anymore so you just left."

"That's exactly how it was, Donovan, and that's exactly how it should be," I snapped, setting my glass of water down. "I was about to marry you, Donovan. Do you realize how much that effected me? You wanted me to marry you and then divorce you when it was all done but I wasn't going to do that. I wasn't going to have my first marriage be a fake one."

"I didn't force you, you had a choice," he snapped back.

"Then why didn't you stop it?"

"Because you didn't want to."

"That's not the point, Donovan! You just don't get it, do you?" I said. "I couldn't stand up there and accept that marriage when there were no feelings. You just wanted to be free and all I wanted was for you to be free. Now that you are, that's it."

"Then why didn't you just tell me that?"

"Because I couldn't," I said, defeated. "I couldn't torture myself any longer and fake everything in front of your grandfather, who was completely depressed, and I couldn't live knowing that everything we were doing, you were faking but I wasn't. I didn't fake anything."

His face turned to confusion and he couldn't quite understand what I meant. 

"I couldn't marry you when I was the only one who would suffer in the end," I told him, chugging down the last of my water and gathering my things. "Good-bye, Donovan."

Relief. That was all I felt once I walked out the door and headed back home. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I knew, now, I could finally move on and forget Donovan Ander.