Chapter 24

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Martijn

It's a short walk to her apartment, but it couldn't feel any longer. We get to the door and and she fumbles with the key, finally fitting it into the lock and pushing the door open. 

"Martijn," she says, but that's all she says, because I can't resist her or my feelings any longer.

"Elise," I reply, and I kiss her, pulling her as tightly to me as I can. Her lips move clumsily against mine at first. I slow down to let her catch up. I forgot how good it felt to kiss her, how familiar.

She moans lightly, and I lean down, wrapping my arms around her waist and tugging her even closer. Her arms start wrapped around my neck, but soon they begin to wander.

Her fingers tangle themselves in my hair and lightly tug, and I can't help but moan into her mouth. I feel her smile at this, and she runs her hands down my back, lightly dragging her nails. Fuck. I need more of her.

She giggles into my mouth, and I smile back with a satisfied "Mmmm."

Now I let my hands wander, roaming down to grab her ass. In the shortest break in the kiss, I lean down, grasp her thighs, and pick her up. She wraps her legs around my waist.

I've been in her apartment so many times that I have no problem navigating to her bedroom, even in just the dim light. I throw her onto the bed and climb on top of her, and as I do, her head lifts eagerly off the pillows to meet me.

I want her so badly, and I let her know oh-so-subtly as I lower my body down onto hers. She moans at the feeling and kisses me hard, pulling me all the way down.

Elise's hands begin to roam again, but this time to the hem of my shirt. She grabs the hem and quickly drags it up and over my head. I sit up to assist her, tugging it off with as much excitement as I can tell she feels.

I lean back down to kiss her as I pull the remainder of my shirt off my arm and throw it behind me. Elise runs her fingers up and down my arms a few times before settling on playing and lightly tugging my hair. I want her more than anything, right now. It's been far too long since I've felt every inch of her body against every inch of mine, the sweat from our bodies glistening and mingling.

I kiss her, hard, and move a hand from her hair to her waist, where I start to tug off her skirt. She helps me, and I can't help but think about how fast this is moving. Maybe too fast? Hell no. I need her.

As I think this, she leans up to me to whisper in my ear, "I know we're moving kind of fast but... I need you, Martijn."

I nearly moan at this. "I need you too, Elise," I reply, and sit up to pull her skirt off from her ankles. I set it next to me and look back at her, my eyes traveling down her body. She lays before me in a thin, white, v-neck t-shirt. Down further are her delicate rose-pink panties. Damn.

I lean down on her to kiss her once again. My fingers trail down her arms to her hands, to her thighs. I loop her panties in my fingers and start to pull down.

Suddenly, she sits straight up. "Stop."

"O-okay," I stammer. "We don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

"No it's not that. I do want to, so badly." I lean in to kiss her and grab her waist, hoping to encourage her, but she leans away, trying to dodge me. What the fuck?

"Elise? What's wrong? You said you wanted to."

"I-I do. I just... I have to tell you something first."

We're both sitting up now, and I wrap my arms around her shoulders, pulling her close. "What is it? You can tell me anything?"

Elise jumps off the bed, and I can't help but gaze at her. She looks... incredible. As if sensing my gaze, she pulls her shirt down in an attempt to cover herself.

"I was going to tell you right away, but then you kissed me and it felt so good. I missed you, Martijn."

"It's okay! Whatever it is, I'm sure it's fine."

"Oh, Martijn. I keep trying to make this easy on you but you just won't let me!" She exclaims, and her tone finally makes my heart sink into my stomach like mud. "What... what are you talking about, Elise?"

She sighs, clearly unhappy. "I... You... When that pap accused you of cheating on me... he had the wrong information. It was me."

I blink, confused. "What do you mean it was you? What did you do?"

Elise blinks, tears flooding the edges of her beautiful blue eyes. "It was me. I, I cheated on you. The press just thought it was the other way around. I used your outburst as a way to break up with you because I didn't want to have to tell you. I was going to end it with you anyway, I promise."

I scoff, rolling my eyes, trying to ignore the heat at the edge of my vision caused by both tears and anger. "Somehow that doesn't make me feel better."

I sit in silence, staring at my feet, which hang off her bed. She stands in front of me, looking at her feet too, head down. I hear her sniffle and for some reason it makes me so angry. No, I know why. Why the fuck is she sad if she's the one who cheated on me?

"Well, who the fuck is it, then?" I snap. "Who were you sleeping with?"

"Tom. Thomas." I scoff. "Martijn... I'm not telling you this to hurt you. I'm telling you because I want to be honest with you. I want to be with you. I'll break up with him right now if you want me to."

"If I want - Wait. Elise. You'll... if I want you to? You're - you're still sleeping with him and you - we did this? You just told me you needed me, in that way, and you're still fucking Thomas? What the fuck were you thinking, Elise?" She winces at the curses flying out of my mouth, unbridled.

I inhale, not done with my tirade. "And If I want you to? You should break up with Tom because you want to be with me, and because it's wrong for you to do this, to both of us! No, Elise, you know what, don't even bother. I'll make this decision for you, because apparently you can't make it on your own. You were just hedging your bets, stringing both of us along, and now you've lost me. Why the fuck did you even want to talk to me or almost... Why?" I spit the words out.

"I saw that girl in the hall with you. I saw how she looked at you, and at us being together. You can't deny that there's nothing there, nothing between you two."

My stomach twinges with guilt, but I refuse to let her get to me this way. "Anything that happened between Madi and I was while you and I were broken up. I did absolutely nothing wrong. And you didn't answer my question, Elise. Why didn't you just push me away from the beginning?"

I stare at her angrily, and she stares back with glassy, tear filled eyes, but despite them, she looks impassioned, too. Jealous, almost. Suddenly a cold suspicion wraps its slimy fingers around my heart.

"Wait. You... you had no interest in talking to me until you saw her. Madi. You were just jealous. You can't stand the possibility of me finding someone else that isn't you."

Elise blinks, looking upset now. "That's not true!" She pauses and looks down for a moment, composing herself. When she looks up again, tears are brimming in her eyes. She closes the space between us and takes my hand in hers. "Martijn, I realized that I love you."

That's the last straw. I tear my hand from her grip. "No. Do not tell me... that. If you really did feel that way, you wouldn't have broken up with me for getting upset over someone trying to jeopardize our relationship."

I turn and walk out of her apartment, slamming the door behind me.

Once I'm out, my angry facade falls like Troy.

I lean against the wall in the hallway outside her door and sink down to the floor.

I know she had been cheating on me while we were together but I can't help but think that if she had broken up with Tom and chosen me, I wouldn't have been able to say no.

Tears drip down my cheeks, but I wipe them away, my sadness gone.

I push myself back up and off the wall, knowing exactly where I'm going.

And I know that I'd walk a million miles just to see her smile.

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