love. sex. dreams.

• four •

I'm not a fool, I'm just lifeless too.
• • •
After the food arrived, we headed up to the roof, where the sun was about to set. Orange and pink colors in the sky made me feel hazy and high already; without smoking anything.

"Ah, fortune cookies. What you got?" He asked me while cracking his in half. I opened mine and spread out the tiny paper.

Follow the light and good things will come your way
I read. Making a frowny face I looked at him, waiting to see what he has.

"Nice, you should take the advice." He said.

"Oh, just read yours already." I playfully tapped him on the shoulder.

"Okay okay. Mine says You will find a great love." He started chuckling. "Yeah, these fortune cookies are wack, man."

"Why? Don't you believe in love?" I asked him straight up.

"I don't know. Nothing that great ever came my way, so my answer would probably be no." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Oh, come on. You can't possibly mean that. You just haven't met the right person yet." I said.

"Yeah... tell me princess Di... what about you? You're not exactly optimistic yourself." He sarcastically pointed out. He was right.

"Yeah, that's because I got royally screwed..." I bit my tongue, been a little too hasty again.
He stopped chewing and looked at me, waiting for a further explanation. I choked.
"You know what, nevermind."

"What happened to you?" He said with a soft tone after a moment of silence.

"Nothing." I said.

"Okay, don't tell me." He replied, taking another bite of our last spring roll.
I was quiet for a while, listening to him munching on his food. Then I gave in; might as well tell him something, since I already heard him fuck.

"A bad break up. Really really fucking bad." I said. He looked at me with those brown eyes, I didn't sense any pity in them though; like I did in everyone else that found out.

"I'm sorry." He just replied. He didn't want to poke at it and I was forever grateful. It even kind of made me want to talk about it.

"It's okay, I feel better now." I said.

"It don't look like it, but A for the effort. Why did you break up?"

I chuckled. "He fell out of love and I guess people do; I just didn't think it would happen to me. It's the worst feeling in the world." I explained.

"Oh, believe me, I know." He sighed, shaking his head.

"Yeah? Same thing happened to you?"

"Something like that." He replied. "Which is why I stopped wasting my time, better do somethin' more productive, you know."

"What about your girlfriend?" I intentionally asked.

"Who you talkin' about?" Then he remembered last night. "Oh that one? She ain't my girlfriend, trust me."

"What's wrong with her?" I grinned.

"She a hoe, that's what's wrong with her."

"Hey, that's not a very nice thing to say." I frowned.

"I'm the last dude that disrespects chicks but that one, she fucked everyone. I didn't say that to insult her." He explained.

"Alright, I believe you."

"You know what, how about we stop with the great depression and talk about something happier." He stuck his chopsticks into an empty paper box.

"Fine." I agreed. "How about you put on some music instead."

"What a great idea." He was being sarcastic, but I realized I'm hardly the only one who's had her heart broken. I spread the blanket down on the warm floor and took a seat. He followed me and put Nas on.
"At least your taste in music is cool." He teased.

I just chuckled and shook my head. We were listening to songs, singing and rapping along, discussing the lyrics, smoking a blunt. It was pretty nice, I enjoyed his company; he never pressured or bugged me about anything. He was my new friend with weed that also happened to be my neighbor; a very pretty one too. Stars were shining and visible, the sky was clear. I was trying to count them but I lost it, kept laughing and going again.

"Look at that." I pointed at a constellation. "It looks like a butterfly."

"Where?" He leaned his head closer.

"Right there." I pointed and drew it out in the air, lining the butterfly with my finger. Whatever we were smoking, it was pretty strong. I felt good but high as fuck. My mind was finally empty. All I was thinking about was right then and there; me and Rakim lying on the floor, counting stars.
He reached his hand out, then gently touched mine. It was almost electric; or maybe it was just the weed. Our fingers interlocked, our hands still up in the air, his palm on mine. We kept it like that for a few seconds, then we pulled away. We were lying pretty close as the blanket wasn't too big. Our bodies were loosely touching; he started laughing softly.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing." He replied. "I wasn't this high in a while; hasn't been this nice either."

"Yeah? Nice. I haven't smoked in years, at least four." I admitted.

"And you hittin' this? Dang." He said. I just chuckled.

"Well, it seems to do the job; numbs all my pain."

"That it does." He turned his head to me. "It gets better, you know."

"I know. I'm gonna be okay." I said. "I thought I wasn't going to survive this, I hit rock bottom."

"Mhm, but the thing is, you ain't weak. You gettin' through this shit."

"Yeah." I sighed.

"Can I say something?" He asked.

"Of course."

"There's somethin' I don't understand." He started.

"What?"

"How that dude just stopped loving you." He said.
I didn't say anything; I just shrugged my shoulders and looked back up at the sky.