love. sex. dreams.

• seven •

I need someone on days like this, I do.
• • •
Rakim came to my coffee shop and fortunately Georgia wasn't there to embarrass me; I did it myself instead. I spilled coffee all over my white dress shirt, thankfully it wasn't as hot; I could cry right then and there in front of him. But he's so easy going; laughing it off, he helped me clean up as I was pouting like a small child. Then he went out and I spent the rest of the afternoon at home. I decided to throw out all the pictures and other stuff I had left from Carter. An hour later I was sitting on the floor crying, tearing all the polaroids I had of him and us. I burned his hoodie in the tub, then I just collapsed on the floor in tears. I was hugging my knees and leaning on them. Then I heard a knock on the door. I couldn't possibly open looking like a hot mess.

"Who is it?" I yelled out.

"It's the love of your life." Rakim said, then chuckled. "I'm kidding, it's me."

I opened the door and saw his expression change from happy to worried in one second.
"Hey, what's wrong?" He pulled me into a hug I so badly needed, I was a mess. I just shook my head and cried into his hoodie.
"You cookin' something?" He asked.

"No."

"Then why do I smell somethin' burning?" He asked.

"I burned my ex's hoodie in the bathroom." I said, wiping my tears away.

"Oh... baby, one of those days again?" He hugged me again. Him calling me baby was new but it surprisingly didn't bother me, considering the reason why I was crying.

"I just need to get it out." I nodded.

"You want me to stay here or you wanna be alone?"

"Stay?" I asked, hoping he would say yes. When I was living at home and crisis struck, I talked to mom, I never felt alone. But I couldn't stay there forever, I had to get out and get my own place, get through this alone. Or so I thought; turns out I need someone after all.

"Yeah, come on. Sit down, get comfy, find a movie you wanna watch. I'mma make you somethin' to eat, you hungry?" He asked. He was so caring and at times I felt like I was taking advantage of him; but he says he likes hanging out with me, even though me crying isn't really a comfortable hang out.

"A bit. You don't have to go through all this trouble, we can just order pizza or something." I said.

"Whatever you want, it's no problem." He offered again.

"No, really, thank you so much for this, but we can order." I grinned.

"Aight, you want some tea?" He asked then.

"Thanks but there are two mini vodkas in the fridge, grab those and we're good." I pointed at the refrigerator.

"How many of these you got?" He joked.

"A few." I was honest.

"Here." He handed me one and opened his after he took a seat on the edge of my bed.

"Thanks." I said.

"So, what are we watching?" He took his sneakers off and scooted closer to me. We were leaning on my million pillows in the back when I opened my laptop.

"Whatever, really. I have tons of documentaries already on, so you tell me." I showed him.

"How about this one on Gary Ridgeway? I haven't seen it yet." He pointed at the folder named Green River Killer.

"Knows his serial killers, color me impressed." I smiled.

"It's interesting stuff, what." He poked me.

"Okay, uncle Gary it is." I pressed play.

30 minutes later we were still watching it, eating pizza and making comments about the film. It was interesting, I must say.

"Damn, these niggas are crazy." He said.

"Yeah, some of this stuff is pretty disturbing." I agreed.

"How can you watch more than one of these a day, I'm already sure I'll be dreamin' about it tonight." He joked.

"I got used to them, plus the topic has always been pretty fascinating to me." I said and put Kanye's album Graduation on.

"You really like Kanye, huh."

"Yeah, this album is pure art. I can't get enough of it."

"I like it too." He said and leaned back, pulling a cigarette case out of his pocket. "You wanna go up?" He asked.

"One way yeah, we can smoke here." I said and went to open the window, then threw myself back on the bed next to him. He lit up; puffed and passed it to me. So we were at it again; just us, Kanye and the best ganja I've ever smoked.

20 minutes later we were pretty high, lying there half dead, staring at the ceiling; we were too lazy to move or go anywhere.

"I see stars." He said.

"In your eyes." I added poetically. He looked at me and started laughing; I rolled to the side and watched him move his hands and count the imaginary stars on my ceiling. He then did the same, turned over to me and booped my nose with the tip of his finger. I grinned with my eyes closed.

"You're so cute." He said, eyeing my face from top to bottom. "That asshole should've never let you go."

I couldn't even think straight but I knew two things; I will not let the ex shit depress me, not anymore, not while I'm with Rakim. He's so sweet and I might like him.

"You're way cuter." I giggled.

"You think I'm cute?" He asked me as if it's the first time someone thought that about him.
I nodded and that's when he did it, he moved a little closer; just enough so his lips could touch mine. It honestly felt like tiny bits in my head exploded, creating electricity. It was a soft kiss and it seemed as if our faces were slowly melting away together.
Hazy.